General, smiling. "But do not forget, sir,
that upon each occasion you are to salute in return."

ALWAYS GET THE FACTS

It is never wise to jump to conclusions. Always wait until the evidence
is all in.

A Jersey man of a benevolent turn of mind encountered a small boy in his
neighborhood who gave evidence of having emerged but lately from a
severe battle.

"I am sorry," said the man, "to see that you have a black eye, Sammy."

Whereupon Sammy retorted:

"You go home and be sorry for your own little boy--he's got two!"

CAN THIS BE TRUE?

A certain Irishman was taken prisoner by the Huns. While he was standing
alone, waiting to be assigned to his prison, or whatever fate awaited
him, the Kaiser came up.

"Hello," said the Kaiser. "Who have we here?"

"I'm an Irishman, your honor."

Then he winked solemnly.

"Oi say," he continued. "We didn't do a thing to you Germans, did we?
Eh, old chap?"

The Kaiser was horrified. Calling an orderly he said to him:

"Take this blasphemer away and put a German uniform on him, and then
bring him back."

Shortly the Irishman was returned, in a full German uniform.

"Well," said the Kaiser, "maybe you feel better now. How is it?"

Pat grabbed him by the arm, and leaning over, whispered:

"Oi say, we gave them Irish Hell, didn't we?"

NEW SERVANT-GIRL STORY

The wife of a successful young literary man had hired a buxom Dutch girl
to do the housework. Several weeks passed and from seeing her master
constantly about the house, the girl received an erroneous impression.

"Ogscuse me, Mrs. Blank," she said to her mistress one day, "but I like
to say somedings."

"Well, Rena?"

The girl blushed, fumbled with her apron, and then replied, "Vell, you
pay me four tollars a veek--'

"Yes, and I really can't pay you any more."

"It's not dot," responded the girl; "but I be villing to take tree
tollars till--till your husband gets vork."

HE WAS BROAD MINDED

Even married life does not affect some people unpleasantly, or take away
the fine spirit of their charity.

A certain factory-owner tells of an old employee who came into the
office and asked for a day off.

"I guess we can manage it, Pete," says the boss, "tho we are mighty
short-handed these days. What do you want to get off for?"

"Ay vant to get married," blushed Pete, who is by way of being a
Scandinavian.

"Married? Why, look here--it was only a couple of months ago that you
wanted to get