. Peter. "I am very sure
the new Graf will be much gratified to learn of the honor done him.
Third door to the right. Mind the step. Thank you."

UNCHANGEABLE

A story about Lord Kitchener, who was often spoken of as "the most
distinguished bachelor in the world," is being told. A young member of
his staff when he was in India asked for a furlough in order to go home
and be married. Kitchener listened to him patiently then he said:

"Kenilworth, you're not yet twenty-five. Wait a year. If then you still
desire to do this thing you shall have leave."

The year passed. The officer once more proffered his request.

"After thinking it over for twelve months," said Kitchener, "you still
wish to marry?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well, you shall have your furlough. And frankly, my boy, I
scarcely thought there was so much constancy in the masculine world."

Kenilworth, the story concludes, marched to the door, but turned to say
as he was leaving: "Thank you, sir. Only it's not the same woman."

HE KNEW THE LAW

An old colored man charged with stealing chickens was arraigned in court
and was incriminating himself when the judge said:

"You ought to have a lawyer. Where's your lawyer?"

"Ah ain't got no lawyer, jedge," said the old man.

"Very well, then," said his honor, "I'll assign a lawyer to defend you."

"Oh, no, suh; no, suh! Please don't do dat!" the darky begged.

"Why not?" asked the judge. "It won't cost you anything. Why don't you
want a lawyer?"

"Well, jedge, Ah'll tell you, suh," said the old man, waving his
tattered old hat confidentially. "Hit's dis way. Ah wan' tah enjoy dem
chickens mahse'f."

A SERMON ON THE WAR BY PARSON BROWN

The historic colored preacher who held forth so strenuously after the
Civil War has almost become obsolete, but in certain sections he still
holds his own, as the following sermon, taken from _Life_, will show:

Brederen an' Sisterin: I done read de Bible from kiver to kiver, from
lid to lid an' from end to end, an' nowhar do I find a mo' 'propriate
tex' at dis time, when de whole worl' is scrimmigin' wid itse'f, dan de
place whar Paul Pinted de Pistol at de Philippines an' said, "Dou art de
man."

Kaiser Bill ob Germany is de man, an' Uncle Sam done got de pistol
pinted his way, an' goin' to pull de trigger, lessen Bill gits off his
perch, like dat woman Jezebel dat sassed Ahab from de roof top.

Ahab say to his soldiers, "Go up an' th'ow dat woman down," an