orning and have the cook
broil it for me. I have accomplished the remarkable feat of eating
thirty chickens in thirty consecutive days."

"Great Scott!" exclaimed the friend. "Do you still like them?"

"Yes, I do," replied Dixey; "and, what is better still, the chickens
like me. Why they have got so when I sneak into the hen-house they all
begin to cackle, 'I wish I was in Dixey.'"--_A. S. Hitchcock_.

A southerner, hearing a great commotion in his chicken-house one dark
night, took his revolver and went to investigate.

"Who's there?" he sternly demanded, opening the door.

No answer.

"Who's there? Answer, or I'll shoot!"

A trembling voice from the farthest corner:

"'Deed, sah, dey ain't nobody hyah ceptin' us chickens."

A colored parson, calling upon one of his flock, found the object of his
visit out in the back yard working among his hen-coops. He noticed with
surprise that there were no chickens.

"Why, Brudder Brown," he asked, "whar'r all yo' chickens?"

"Huh," grunted Brother Brown without looking up, "some fool niggah lef
de do' open an' dey all went home."

CHILD LABOR

"What's up old man; you look as happy as a lark!"

"Happy? Why shouldn't I look happy? No more hard, weary work by yours
truly. I've got eight kids and I'm going to move to Alabama."--_Life_.

CHILDREN

Two weary parents once advertised:

"WANTED, AT ONCE--Two fluent and well-learned persons, male or female,
to answer the questions of a little girl of three and a boy of four;
each to take four hours per day and rest the parents of said children."

Another couple advertised:

"WANTED: A governess who is good stenographer, to take down the clever
sayings of our child."

A boy twelve years old with an air of melancholy resignation, went to
his teacher and handed in the following note from his mother before
taking his seat:

"Dear Sir: Please excuse James for not being present
yesterday.

"He played truant, but you needn't whip him for it, as the boy
he played truant with and him fell out, and he licked James;
and a man they threw stones at caught him and licked him; and
the driver of a cart they hung onto licked him; and the owner
of a cat they chased licked him. Then I licked him when he
came home, after which his father licked him; and I had to
give him another for being impudent to me for telling his
father. So you need not lick him until next time.