orge and
King George is related maybe," Morris suggested.
"I don't think so," Abe replied.
"The name is only a quincidence." " 60

"'Well, if we are such big experts on machine-guns,
we should ought to know a whole lot
more about machine-guns as Colonel Lewis,
and what does that _Schlemiel_ know about
machine-guns, _anyway_?'" " 108

"And five minutes after the jury had returned a
verdict would be on his way up to the Matteawan
Asylum for the Criminal Insane." " 152

"Take, for instance, sopranos, and they come in
two classes. There is the soprano which
hollers murder police and they call her a
dramatic soprano. And then again there is
the soprano which gargles. That is a coloratura
soprano." " 180

"For instance, who is it that says whole-wheat
bread irritates the lining from the elementry
canal? The ignorant man? _Oser!_" " 202

WORRYING WON'T WIN

WORRYING WON'T WIN

I

POTASH AND PERLMUTTER DISCUSS THE CZAR BUSINESS

Like the human-hair business and the green-goods business it is not
what it used to be.

"Yes, Abe," Morris Perlmutter said to his partner, Abe Potash, as they
sat in their office one morning in September, "the English language is
practically a brand-new article since the time when I used to went to
night school. In them days when a feller says he is feeling like a king,
it meant that he was feeling like a king, _aber_ to-day yet, if a feller
says he feels like a king it means that he's got stomach and domestic
trouble and that he don't know where the money is coming from to pay his
next week's laundry bill. Czars is the same way, too. Former times when
you called a feller a regular czar you meant he was a regular czar,
_aber_ nowadays if you say somebody is a regular czar it means that the
poor feller couldn't call his soul his own and that he must got to do
what everybody from the shipping-clerk up tells him to do with no back
talk."

"Well, it only goes to show, Mawruss," Abe commented. "There was a czar,
y'understand, which for years was not only making out pretty good as a
czar, y'understand, but had really as you might say been doing something
phenomenal yet. In fact, Mawruss, if three years ago R.G. Dun or
Bradstreet would give it a rating to czars