al I
wouldn't pay no reverse charges under no circumstances whatsoever from
nowheres.'"

"And who told _you_ all this, Abe?" Morris asked.

"Nobody," Abe replied. "I figured it out for myself."

"Well, you figured wrong, then," Morris said. "The Kaiser don't act that
way. He ain't human enough, and, furthermore, Abe, the Kaiser don't talk
over the telephone, neither, because if he did, y'understand, it's a
cinch that sooner or later the court physician would be giving out the
cause of death as shock from being connected up with the electric-light
plant by party or parties unknown and Long Live Kaiser Schmooel the
Second--or whatever the Crown Prince's rotten name is."

"Any one who done such a thing in the hopes of making a change for the
better, Mawruss," Abe commented, "would certainly be jumping from the
frying-pan into the soup, because if the Germans got rid of the Kaiser
in favor of the Crown Prince it would be a case of discarding a king and
drawing a deuce."

"Sure I know," Morris said, "but what the Germans need is a new deal all
around. As the game stands now in Germany, Abe, only a limited few sits
in, while the rest of the country hustles the refreshments and pays for
the lights and the cigars, and they're such a poor-spirited bunch,
y'understand, that they 'ain't got nerve enough to suggest a kitty,
even."

"Well, it's too late for them to start a kitty now, Mawruss," Abe said.
"Which you could take it from me, Mawruss, the house is going to be
pulled 'most any day. Several million husky cops is going up the front
stoop right this minute, Mawruss, and while they may have a little
trouble with them--now--ice-box style of doors, it's only a question of
time when they would back up the patrol-wagon, y'understand, because if
the Germans wouldn't close up the game of their own accord, Mawruss, the
Allies must got to do it _for_ them."

"But the Germans don't want us to help 'em," Morris said. "They're
perfectly satisfied as they are."

"I know it," Abe said. "They're a nation of shipping-clerks, Mawruss.
They're in a rut, y'understand. They've all got rotten jobs and they're
scared to death that they're going to lose them. Also the boss works
them like dawgs and makes their lives miserable, y'understand, and yet
they're trembling in their pants for fear he is going to bust up on
them."

"Then I guess it's up to us Allies to show them poor _Chamorrim_ how
they could be bosses for themselves," Morris s