he editorial page of his daily paper.

"Well, how did he find the national currency, Abe?" Morris Perlmutter
inquired. "Also inartistic?"

"He didn't say," Abe replied. "But a statement was given out by Major
Higginson that--"

"Who's Major Higginson?" Morris asked.

"He's the feller that owns the Boston Symphony Orchestra which this here
Doctor Muck is the conductor of it," Abe replied.

"That must be an elegant orchestra, Abe," Morris commented. "A major is
running it and a doctor is conducting it. I suppose they've got working
for them as fiddlers a lot of attorneys and counselors at law, and the
chances is that if a feller was to come there looking for a job
operating a trombone on account he had had experience as a practical
tromboner with the New York Philharmonics, y'understand, they would
probably turn him down unless he could show a diploma from a recognized
school of pharmacy."

"For all I know, they might insist on having a certified public
accountant, Mawruss," Abe said, "but he would have to be a shark on the
trombone, anyway, because I understand this here Doctor Muck and Major
Higginson run a high-class orchestra."

"Well, it only goes to show that you don't got to got a whole lot of
common sense to run a high-grade orchestra, Abe," Morris retorted,
"which if I would be a German doctor stranded in Boston, y'understand,
and I had to _Gott soll huten_ conduct an orchestra for a living, I
would consider to myself that there ain't many Americans in or out of
the medical profession conducting orchestras over in Germany just now
which is refusing to play '_Die Wacht am Rhein_' or '_Heil im der
Siegerkranz_' on artistic grounds and getting away with it. Furthermore,
Abe, Doctor Muck should ought to figure that no matter if he was running
the highest-grade orchestra in existence or anyhow in the state of
Massachusetts, y'understand, and if nobody pays for a ticket to hear it,
what _is_ it? Am I right or wrong?"

"He probably thought there was enough Americans crazy about music to
make his orchestra pay even if he did insult them, Mawruss," Abe said,
"because you know as well as I do, Mawruss, there was a lot of sympathy
shown by Americans to them German singers which got fired at the
Metropolitan Opera House for insulting Americans or being pro-German. It
seems that one of them made up a funny song about the sinking of the
_Lusitania_, and some of the Americans which heard him sing it said that
the tone