wing account and everything."

"And where does Mr. Wilson get off in this coalition business?" Abe
inquired. "Ain't two undivided one-thirds of the Presidency of the
United States for the unexpired portion of his term worth nothing to Mr.
Wilson, even at short rates, Mawruss?"

"Well," Morris replied, "I suppose Roosevelt and Taft would throw in
their experience as Presidents."

"Say!" Abe exclaimed. "There ain't a week goes by nowadays but what Mr.
Wilson gets more experience as President than Taft and Roosevelt did in
both their terms put together, so I don't think you need waste no more
breath about it, Mawruss. When the people last time elected a President
of the United States they chose Mr. Wilson as an individual, not as a
co-partner, and you could take it from me, Mawruss, it don't make no
difference whether it would be a peace program or a war program which
Mr. Wilson is fixing up, the name of the chief performer on it was
settled by the people a year ago last November!"

XVIII

POTASH AND PERLMUTTER ON THE NEW NATIONAL HOLIDAYS

"Yes, Mawruss," Abe Potash said, after Mr. Garfield had announced the
five-day shut-down, "one of the hardest things that a patriotic sitson
is called on to do nowadays is to have faith in those fellers which is
running the Fuel Commission, the Food Commission, and all the other
commissions that they ain't such big fools as you would think for."

"Well, you don't think this here Garfield would close up the country for
five days unless it would be necessary, ain't it?" Morris Perlmutter
retorted.

"Certainly I don't," Abe agreed. "But what is troubling me is that he
ain't said as yet for why it is necessary, Mawruss."

"Maybe he 'ain't figured it out yet," Morris suggested. "And even if he
didn't, Abe, it stands to reason that if the country don't burn no coal
for five days, at the end of five days they would still got the coal
they didn't burn, provided they had got any coal at all to start with."

"But as I understand it, Mawruss," Abe said, "not burning coal 'ain't
got nothing at all to do mit Mr. Garfield's order that we shouldn't burn
no coal. It seems from what ex-President Taft says and also from what a
professor by the name of Jinks _oder_ Jenks says, Mawruss, Mr. Garfield
done it because the people 'ain't begun to realize that we are at war,
Mawruss."

"You mean to say that _again_ the people don't begin to realize we are
at war?" Morris exclaimed. "It could