ut of going to jail for handing out socialistic ideas,
y'understand, the funerals which the listeners get for trying such ideas
out are very, very private."

"At that, them talking Socialists which is taking shifts with each other
in running the Russian government must be putting in a pretty busy time,
Mawruss, because there's a whole lot of detail to such a job, and while
past experience as a street-car conductor may give the necessary
endurance, it don't help out much when it comes to systematizing the
day's work of a Russian dictator. For instance, we would say that he
goes into office at nine o'clock with the help of the One Hundred and
First Kazan Regiment, six companies of Cossacks, and the Tenth Poltava
Separate Company of Machine-Gunners. After making a socialistic address
to the survivors he washes off the blood and puts on a clean collar, or,
in the case of a Bolsheviki dictator, he only washes off the blood.

"The next thing on the program is to ring up a few flag and bunting
concerns and ask for representatives to call about taking an order for a
few national flags. They arrive half an hour later, and after making a
socialistic address, y'understand, he picks out a design for immediate
delivery, because even a few hours' delay will make a design for a
Russian national flag as big a sticker as a nineteen-ten-model runabout.

"When he's got the flag off his mind he next interviews the Russian
composers, Glazounow, Borodine, Arensky, and Scriabine, and after making
a socialistic address he invites them they should submit a new national
anthem, the only requirements being that it should contain a reference
to the fact that under the old competitive system the working-man did
not receive the whole fruits of his labor, and that delivery should be
made not later than twelve-thirty P.M. He then goes over to the mint to
decide upon models for a new gold coinage and to confiscate as much of
the old one as they have on hand. After making a socialistic address to
the director of the mint and his staff, y'understand, he agrees that the
old, clean-shaven Kerensky designs shall be altered by adding whiskers,
because you know as well as I do, Mawruss, when it comes to the portrait
on a gold coin, nobody is going to take it so particular about the
likeness not being so good as long as it ain't plugged.

"He then goes back to his office and prepares a socialistic address to
be delivered to the duma, a socialistic address to