N KEEPING IT DARK

"I got a circular letter from this here Garfield where he says we should
keep the temperature of our rooms down to sixty-eight degrees," Abe
Potash remarked during the recent below-zero spell in New York.

"What do you mean--down to sixty-eight degrees?" Morris Perlmutter said.
"If a feller which lives in a New York City apartment-house nowadays
could get the temperature of his rooms as high as down to forty-eight
degrees, y'understand, it's only because some of the tenants 'ain't come
across with the janitor's present yet and he still has hopes. Yes, Abe,
a circular like that might do some good in Pasadena _oder_ Pallum Beach,
y'understand, but it's wasted here in New York."

"There's bound to be a whole lot of waste in them don't-waste-nothing
circulars," Abe commented, "because plenty of people is getting letters
from the Food Conservation Commission to go slow on sugar which 'ain't
risked taking even a two-grain saccharin tablet in years already, and
the chances is that there has been tons and tons of circulars sent out
to other people which on account of their livers _oder_ religions
wouldn't on any account eat the articles of food which the circulars
begs them on no account to eat, y'understand."

"And next year them circulars will be still less necessary because
enough people is going to get rheumatism from living in cold rooms to
cut down the consumption of red meats over fifty per cent.," Morris
observed.

"Well, something has got to be done to make people go slow on using up
coal, Mawruss," Abe said, "which the way it is now, Mawruss, twice as
much coal is burned in one night to manufacture electricity for a sky
sign saying that 'Toasted Sawdust Is the Perfect Breakfast Food' on
account it is made only from the best grades of Tennessee yellow pine,
y'understand, as would run an airyoplane-factory for a week, understand
me, and children is fooling away their time in the streets because if
coal is used to heat the school buildings, y'understand, there wouldn't
be enough left for the really important things like lighting up the
fronts of vaudeville theayters with the names of actors or telling lies
about the mileage of automobile tires by means of a couple of million
electric lights every night from sunset to sunrise, understand me."

"Still there's a good deal to be said on the other side, Abe," Morris
retorted, "which if the new coal regulations is going to make an end of
the sky sign