red, "which twenty years from now, people wouldn't know whether the
word _viereck_ was a fish or a cheese; and as for all them college
professors which got fired recently because they made the mistake of
thinking that a college professor gets paid to fool away his time making
speeches against the government the same like a United States Senator,
y'understand, I couldn't even remember their names to-day yet, so you
can imagine how they're going to go down in history, Mawruss: compared
to them fellers, there are a few thousand notary publics whose names
will be household words already."

"Any man who thinks he is going to make a name for himself by talking or
writing against his country is due to get badly fooled, I don't care if
he would be a college professor, a United States Senator, or an editor,
Abe," Morris said, "because the most he could hope for is the thing what
usually happens him. He gets fired, Abe, and the only reputation a
feller gets by getting fired is the reputation for getting fired, and
that ain't much of a recommendation when he comes to look for another
job."

"The people I am sorry for is the wives of these here professors," Abe
said, "which even when a college professor has got steady work his wife
'ain't got no bed of roses to make both ends meet, neither, and I bet
yer more than one of them ladies will got to do a little plain sewing
for a living on account her husband became so hot-headed over this here
pacifism."

"That's the trouble with them pacifists," Morris concluded. "If they
would only take some of the heat out of their heads and put it into
their feet, Abe, they could hold onto their jobs and their wives
wouldn't got to go to work at all. Am I right or wrong?"

VI

POTASH AND PERLMUTTER ON HOOVERIZING THE OVERHEAD

When a feller reckons the overhead on the goods he manufactures he
figures in one-twelfth of his telephone number, one-twelfth of the
year he was born, and one-twelfth of every other number he can
remember from his automobile to his street number.

"Of course, Mawruss, I don't claim that Mr. Hoover don't know his
business nor nothing like that," Abe Potash said as he finished reading
a circular mailed to him by the Food Conservation Director, "but at the
same time if I would be permitted to make a suggestion, Mawruss, I would
suggest that in addition to following out all the DON'TS in this here
food-conservation circular--and also in the interests