ooped down and measured him from the
sole of his boot to the crown of his hat, took a pencil and carefully
noted the height in his pocket book, to the utter amazement of the
stranger; after which he measured him across the shoulders, and again
noted the dimensions. He then looked the stranger firmly in the face and
said:

"Sir, I am very sorry that it is so, but I really will not be able to
finish it for you before morning."

"Finish what?" asked the stranger, endeavoring in vain to appear calm.

"Why, your coffin, to be sure! You see, I am the city undertaker, and
the people are dying here so fast, that I can hardly supply the demand
for coffins. You will have to wait until your turn comes, which will be
to-morrow morning--say about 9 o'clock."

"But what do I want with a coffin? I have no idea of dying!"

"You haven't, eh? Sir, you will not live two hours and a half. I see it
in your countenance. Why, even now, you have a pain--a slight pain--in
your back."

"Y-yes, I believe I h-have," replied the trembling hoosier.

"Exactly," said Dick, "and in your limbs too?"

"Yes, stranger, you're right, and I begin to feel it in the back of my
neck and head."

"Of course you do, and unless you do something for it, you'll be dead in
a short time, I assure you. Take my advice now, go back aboard the boat,
swallow down a gill of brandy, get into your state-room, and cover up
with blankets. Stay there till you perspire freely, then leave here like
lightning!"

Hoosier hurried on board the boat, and followed Dick's instructions to
the letter. He says he never will forget the kindness of the tall man in
Mobile, who gave him such good advice.

LET OFF.

"BOY! did you let off that gun?" exclaimed an enraged schoolmaster.

"Yes, master."

"Well, what do you think I'll do to you?"

"Why, let me off!"

COMPLIMENTARY.

A GENTLEMAN expatiating upon the good looks of women, declared that he
had never yet seen an ugly woman. One who was extremely flat nosed,
said,

"Sir, I defy you not to find me ugly."

"You, madam," he replied, "are an angel fallen from heaven, only you
have fallen on your nose."

KEEN RETORT.

A PRIEST said to a peasant whom he thought rude, "You are better fed
than taught." "Shud think I was," replied the clodhopper, "as I feeds
myself and you teaches me."

THE AUCTIONEER AT HOME.

AN auctioneer, vexed with his audience, said: "I am a mean fellow--mean
as d