im like a log to a root, but for the
first week or so 'twant no use--not a bit. If he was home, he was short;
if he _wasn't_ home I could get no satisfaction. 'By the by,' says I,
after goin' sixteen times, 'I'll fix you!' says I. So I sat down on the
door-step, and sat all day and part of the evening, and I began airly
_next_ day; but about ten o'clock he 'gin in.' _He paid me_ MY _half,
and I gin him up the note!_"

PAT'S RESPONSE.

AN Irishman was about to marry a Southern girl for her property. "Will
you take this woman to be your wedded wife?" said the minister. "Yes,
your riverence, and the _niggers_ too," said Pat.

WANTED SATISFACTION.

"WELL, Pat, Jimmy didn't quite kill you with a brickbat, did he?" "No,
but I wish he had." "What for?" "So I could have seen him hung, the
villain!"

MEAN _vs._ MEANS.

"IS Mr. Brown a man of means?" asked a gentleman of old Mrs. Fizzleton,
referring to one of her neighbors. "Well I reckon he ought to be,"
drawled out the old bel-dame, "for he is just the meanest man in town."

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HOUSE.

ARTER we wus married, we'll say about a year, wun mornin' thar wus a
terrible commoshun in our house--old wimmin a runnin in an out, and
finally the Doctor he cum. I was in a great hurry myself, wantin to
heer, I hardly noed what, but after a while, an ole granny of a woman,
as had been very busy about that, poked her head into the room whar I
was a walkin' about and ses:

Ses she, "Mr. Sporum, hit's a gal."

"What," ses I.

"A gal," ses she, an with that she pops her head back agin.

Well, thinks I, I'm the daddy uv a gal, and begin to feel my keepin'
mitely--I'd rather it was a boy tho', thinks I, fur then he'd feel
neerur to me, as how he'd bare my name and there be less chance fur the
Sporums to run out, but considerin' everything, a gal will do mi'ty
well. Jist then the ole nuss pokes her head out agin and ses,

Ses she, "Anuther wun, Mr. Sporum; a fine boy."

"Anuther," ses I, "that's rather crowdin' things on to a feller."

She laffed and poked her he'd back. Well, thinks I, this is no joke
sure, at this lick I'll have family enuff to do me in a few years.

Jis then the ole she devil (always shall hate her) pokes her he'd in,
and ses,

Ses she, "Anuther gal, Mr. Sporum."

"Anuther whot," ses I.

"Anuther gal," ses she.

"Well," ses I, "go rite strate and tell Sal I won't stand it, I don't
want 'em, and I ain't go