the terms, took the money, and proceeded to say:

"Well, you see now, we all use David Ditson's almanacs around here, and
he is the greatest liar that ever lived; for whenever he says 'it's
going to rain,' we know it ain't; and when he says 'fair weather,' we
look out for squalls. Now this morning I saw it put down for to-day
_Very pleasant_, and I knew for sartin it would rain before night.
That's the rule. Use David's Almanac, and always read it just t'other
way."

The crest-fallen astronomer plodded on his weary way, another example of
a fool and his money soon parted. But that was the end of his
prophesying. Since that he has made his almanacs without weatherwise
sayings, leaving every man to guess for himself.

HOW TO BOARD AND LODGE IN NEW YORK.

THE _Philadelphia Chronicle_ calls the hero of the following story a
Yankee, but he will wager a sixpence that he was born in Pennsylvania.
But no matter, it is a good joke:--"'What do you charge for board?'
asked a tall Green Mountain boy, as he walked up to the bar of a
second-rate hotel in New York--'what do you ask a week for board and
lodging?' 'Five dollars.' 'Five dollars! that's too much; but I s'pose
you'll allow for the times I am absent from dinner and supper?'
'Certainly; thirty-seven and a half cents each.' Here the conversation
ended, and the Yankee took up his quarters for two weeks. During this
time, he lodged and breakfasted at the hotel, but did not take either
dinner or supper, saying his business detained him in another portion of
the town. At the expiration of the two weeks, he again walked up to the
bar, and said, 'S'pose we settle that account--I'm going, in a few
minutes.' The landlord handed him his bill--'Two weeks board at five
dollars--ten dollars.' 'Here, stranger,' said the Yankee, 'this is
wrong--you've made a mistake; you've not deducted the times I was absent
from dinner and supper--14 days, two meals per day; 28 meals, at 37-1/2
cents each; 10 dollars 50 cents. If you've not got the fifty cents
that's due to me, _I'll take a drink, and the balance in cigars_!"

NEVER SAY DIE.

"THE politicians have thrown me overboard," said a disappointed
politician; "but I have strength enough to swim to the other side."

HOW TO BECOME A CONNOISSEUR.

SPOSIN' it's pictures that's on the carpet, wait till you hear the name
of the painter. If it's Rubens, or any o' them old boys, praise, for
it's agin the law to doubt them