r wun
has the collick an wakes up number too an he wakes up number three, an
so it goes, an me a flying about all the time a tryin' to keep 'em
quiet.

GENEROUS CHILD.

_Mother_--Here, Tommy, is some nice castor oil, with orange ice in it.

_Doctor_--Now, remember, don't give it all to Tommy, leave some for me.

_Tommy_--(who has "been there")--Doctor's a nice man, ma, give it all to
the Doctor!

ALL THE RECIPROCATING ON ONE SIDE.

"CAN you return my love, dearest Julia?" "Certainly, Sir, I don't want
it I'm sure."

HOW HE MEANT TO DO BETTER.

A FEW days since, as a lady of rather inquisitive character was visiting
our county seat, among other places she called at the Jail. She would
ask the different prisoners for what crime they were in there. It went
off well enough, till she came to a rather hard looking specimen of
humanity, whom she asked:

"What are you in here for?"

"For stealing a horse."

"Are you not sorry for it?"

"Yes."

"Won't you try and do better next time?"

"_Yes! I'll steal two._"

DUTCH SOLILOQUY.

A DUTCHMAN'S heart-rending soliloquy is described thus: "She lofes Shon
Mickle so much better as I, pecause he's cot koople tollers more as I
has!"

JUST ALIKE.

A STUTTERING man at a public table, had occasion to use a pepper box.
After shaking it with all due vengeance, and turning it in various ways,
he found that the pepper was in no wise inclined to come forth.

"T-th-this-p-pep-per box," he exclaimed, with a sagacious grin, "is
so-something like myself."

"Why?" asked a neighbor.

"P-poor-poor delivery," he replied.

STORY OF A WIG.

LORD ELLENBOROUGH was once about to go on the circuit, when Lady E. said
that she should like to accompany him. He replied that he had no
objections, provided she did not encumber the carriage with bandboxes,
which were his utter abhorrence. They set off. During the first day's
journey, Lord Ellenborough, happening to stretch his legs, struck his
feet against something below the seat. He discovered that it was a
bandbox. His indignation is not to be described. Up went the window, and
out went the bandbox. The coachman stopped; and the footman, thinking
that the bandbox had tumbled out of the window by some extraordinary
chance, was going to pick it up, when Lord Ellenborough furiously called
out, "Drive on!" The bandbox accordingly was left by a ditch side.
Having reached the county-town,