e shall never dream on wedding cake again--that's the
moral."

PAT QUERY.

A GENTLEMAN was threatening to beat a dog who barked intolerably. "Why,"
exclaimed an Irishman, "would you beat the poor dumb animal for spakin'
out?"

FRIENDLY VISITS.

A GENTLEMAN was speaking the other day of the kindness of his friends in
visiting him. One old aunt in particular visited him twice a year, and
stayed six months each time.

REMOTE.

"I'D have you to know, Mrs. Stoker, that my uncle was a banister of the
law."

"A fig for your banister," retorted Mrs. Grumly, turning up her nose,
"haven't I a cousin as is a corridor in the navy?"

A CAT STORY.

A PHILOSOPHICAL old gentleman was one day passing a new school-house,
erected somewhere towards the setting sun borders of our glorious Union,
when his attention was suddenly attracted to a crowd of persons gathered
around the door. He inquired of a boy, whom he met, what was going on.

"Well, nothin', 'cept the skule committy, and they're goin' in."

"A committee meets to-day! What for?"

"Well," continued the boy, "you see Bill, that's our biggest boy, got
mad at the teacher, and so he went all round and gathered dead cats.
Nothin' but cats, and cats, and cats. Oh! it was orful, them cats!"

"Pshaw! what have the cats to do with the school committee?"

"Now, well, you see Bill kept a bringing cats and cats; allers a pilin'
them up yonder," pointing to a huge pile as large in extent as a
pyramid, and considerably aromatic, "and he piled them. Nothing but
cats, cats!"

"Never mind, my son, what Bill did; what has the committee met for?"

"Then Bill got sick haulin' them, and everybody got sick a nosin' them,
but Bill got madder, and didn't give it up, but kept a pilin' up the
cats and--"

"Can you tell what the committee are holding a meeting for?"

"Why, the skule committy are goin' to hold a meetin' up here to say
whether they'll move the skule house or the cats."

The old gentleman evaporated immediately.

CONUNDRUMS.

IF a husband were to see his wife drowning, what single letter of the
alphabet would he name?--_Answer._ Let-her B.

WHAT is most like a hen stealing?--_Ans._ A cock _robbing_ (robin).

WHAT wind would a hungry sailor wish for, at sea?--_Ans._--A wind that
blows _fowl_ and then _chops_.

WHEN is a lane dangerous to walk in?--_Ans._ When the hedges are
_shooting_, and the _bull-rushes_ out.

IN what