ing softly over to P.'s bed. He
exhibited no surprise at my presence; a few whispered words took
place; I placed my hand on his penis, and found he had an
erection. I started masturbating him, but he said he had just
finished. I then suggested, getting into bed with him. (I had
never heard at that time of such a thing being done, the idea
arose spontaneously.) He said it was not safe, and placed his
hand on my penis, I think with the object of satisfying and
getting rid of me. He masturbated me till the orgasm occurred.

"I had no further relations with him, except on one occasion,
shortly afterward, when one day, in the w.c. he asked me to
masturbate him. I did so. He did not offer to do the same to me.

"He was a delicate, feeble boy; not good at work; womanish in his
ways; inclined to go in for petty bullying, until a boy showed
fight, when he discovered himself to be an arrant coward. Four or
five years later I met him at the university. His greeting was
cool. My next affair was with a boy who was about my age (13),
strong, full-blooded, coarse, always in 'hot water.' He was the
son of the headmaster of one of the best-known public schools. It
was reported that two brothers had been expelled from this public
school for what we called 'beastliness.' He told me his older
brother used to have intercrural intercourse with him. This was
the first I had heard of this. We used to masturbate mutually. I
had, however, no affection or desire for him.

"With E., another boy, I had no relations, but I remember him as
the first person of the same sex for whom I experienced love. He
was a small, fair, thin, and little boy, some two years younger
than myself, so my inferior in the social hierarchy of a school.

"At the end of my last term I had two disappointments. I was
beaten by a younger and clever boy for the first place in the
school, and also beaten by one point in the competition for the
Athletic Cup by a stronger boy who had only come to the school
that very term. However, as a consolation prize, and as I was
leaving, the headmaster gave me a second prize. This soothed my
hurt feelings, and I remember, just after the 'head' had read out
the prizes, on the last day of term, E., coming up to me, putting
his arm on my shoulder, looking at me rather pensively, and in a
voice th