y in
atonement for his suspicions.

"During her monthly periods, when I could not touch her, she
would come in and play with me until emissions occurred, and my
feelings had become so perverted that I even preferred this to
coitus. The orgasm would occur twice in her to once in me, and
though her eyes were rather hard and her mouth too, she always
looked well and cheerful, while I was gloomy and depressed. In
her side, however, was a hard lump, which pained her at times,
and which, doubtless, was waiting its time....

"One day I felt so low in health that I proposed to T.D. that we
should take a boat and sail out in the bay for a day or two. The
sea, the change, the open air revived me, and I even made
sketches of the black sailor as he steered the boat. One day when
I was left alone in charge of the boat, as I felt the time
hanging on my hands, for the sea, the blue sky, the lovely day
gave me no real pleasure, I remember abusing myself, the old
habit reasserting itself as soon as I was alone and idle. When
T.D. came back he brought Mrs. D. with him, laughing and jolly as
usual. She was surprised when lying next to me under the deck on
our return I did not respond to her advances. It would have
pleased her, with her husband only a few feet away. After that I
spent a night with her, but she was getting tired of me. I did
not care for her, but it hurt my vanity and I made a few attempts
to be impertinent. She looked at me coldly and threatened to
complain to T....

"I want to relate an impression I received one night about this
time when with several friends we called at a brothel. I forget
my companion, but I remember two faces. It was winter, and great
depression prevailed in Adelaide. We had been talking to the
mistress as we drank some beer and were pretending to be jolly
fellows, although we were wet, cold, and had not enjoyed
ourselves (at least, I had not), and she was speaking harshly and
jeeringly about two girls she had now who had not earned a penny
for the past week. Just then we heard footsteps and she said in a
lower tone: 'Here they are,' They came in, unattended, having
ascertained which the brothel-keeper snorted and turned her back
to them. The faces of the girls, who were quite young, looked so
miserable that even I pitied them. The look on the face