y dread gradually
diminished, though I still felt strange, I made excuses for not
conducting services, although I continued to read my Bible and
prayer-book, and really believed I had been 'born again.'

"Surely now, I thought, that I had Christ's aid, I shall be able
to break off my habit of self-abuse that had been the curse of my
youth. What was my horror and dismay to find that, when the mood
came on me next, I went down the same as ever. And after all my
suffering and dread and fear of fits! What could I do? Was I mad,
or what? I was really frightened at my helplessness in the matter
and decided on a course of conduct that ultimately brought me
past this danger to better health and comparative happiness. I
said to myself that there is always a certain amount of
preliminary thought and dalliance before I do this deed;
doubtless this it is that renders me incapable of resisting. I
decided, therefore, never to let my thoughts _commence_ to dwell
on lustful things, but to think of something else on the _first_
intimation of their appearance in my mind. I rigorously followed
this rule; and it proved successful, and I recommend it to others
in the same predicament as myself. After suffering weeks and
months of dread and illness once more, falling away in flesh and
turning yellow, I gradually mended a little. I had a better color
and tone, and was something like other young men, barring a
strange alternate exaltation and depression. Even this gradually
became less noticeable, and my moods more even and reliable."

FOOTNOTES:

[219] My Christian faith is of a somewhat nonemotional, intellectual type,
with a considerable element of agnostic reserve.

[220] On having connection with my wife I frequently exhibit sufficient
sexual power to produce orgasm in her; but on occasion, especially during
the first year or so of married life, I have been unable to do this, owing
to the too rapid action of the reflexes in myself, and have even, now and
again, had emissions _ante portam_.

INDEX OF AUTHORS.

Adachi
Adam, Madame
Adler
AElian
Allbutt, Gifford
Allen, Grant
Allin, A.
Alrutz
Andree
Anselm, St.
Arbuthnot
Ariosto
Aristaenetus
Aristophanes
Aristotle
Athenaeus
Aubert
Audeoud
Avicenna
Ayrton

Bacarisse
Backhouse
Bain, A.
Baker, Sir S.
Baelz

Baschet, Armand
Batchelor, J.
Baudelaire
Bazan, Pardo