airs I always retained sufficient sense to criticise the moral
and intellectual calibre of the women I loved, and I held strong
views on the advisability of mental and moral sympathies and
congenital tastes existing between people who married. In my
amours I had hitherto found no intellectual equality or
sympathies. My passion for D.C. was prompted by (1) the bond that
sexual intercourse with a woman has nearly always produced in my
feelings, (2) her physical beauty, (3) that she was sensual, (4)
that she was a lady, (5) that she was young, (6) that she was not
mercenary. It was kept alive by the obstacles in the way of my
seeing her enough and by her engagement to another.

"The D.C. affair left me worn out emotionally. I reviewed my life
of the last four years. It seemed to show much more heartache,
anxiety, and suffering than pleasure. I concluded that this
unsatisfactory result was inseparable from the pursuit of
illegitimate amours. I saw that my work had been interfered with,
and that I was in debt, owing to the same cause. Yet I felt that
I could never do without a woman. In this quandary I found myself
thinking that marriage was the only salvation for me. Then I
should always have a woman by me. I was sufficiently sensible to
know that unless there were congenial tastes and sympathies, a
marriage could not turn out happily, especially as my chief
interests in life (after woman) were literature, history, and
philosophy. But I imagined that if I could find a girl who would
satisfy the condition of being an intellectual companion to me,
all my troubles would be over; my sexual desire would be
satisfied, and I could devote myself to work.

"In this frame of mind I turned my thoughts more seriously in the
direction of a girl whom I had known for some two years. Her age
was nearly the same as mine. My family and hers were acquainted
with one another. I had established a platonic friendship with
her. Undoubtedly the prime attraction was that she was young and
pretty. But she was also a girl of considerable character.
Without being as well educated as I was, she was above the
average girl in general intelligence. She was fond of reading;
books formed our chief subject of conversation and common
interest. She was, in fact, a girl of more intelligence than I
had yet encounte