erred to this above. She likes intercourse, but she is
never outwardly demonstrative. She has naturally a chaste mind.
She never is guilty of those little indecencies which affect some
men a great deal. She does not like talking of these things; and
she tells me that if I died, she would never want to have
intercourse again with anyone. At times, especially recently, she
has even asked me to have intercourse with her, or to masturbate
her; but it is seldom that the orgasm occurs contemporaneously.
In this respect she is different from other women I knew, in whom
the mere fact that the orgasm was occurring in me at once
produced it in them. At the same time I doubt whether even strong
sexual reciprocity would have retained my passion for long.

"4. During the early years of our married life money worries
caused at times disagreements, reproaches and quarrels. Passion
and sentiment are fragile and cannot stand these things.

"5. The fact that I had already had other women diminished the
feeling of awe with which many regard the sexual act and the
violation of sexual conventions.

"6. Loss of beauty. Loss of figure is, I fear, inseparable from
childbearing especially if the woman works hard. We have always
had servants, still my wife has always worked hard, at sewing,
etc.

"I have stated that I entertain feelings of respect and
admiration for my wife. But I almost _loathe_ the idea of
intercourse with her. I would sooner masturbate, and think of
another woman than have intercourse with her. It causes nausea in
me to touch her private parts. Yet with other women it affords me
mad pleasure to kiss them, every part of their bodies. But my
wife still feels for me the love she had when we first married.
There lies the tragedy."

The following narrative is a continuation of History XII in the previous
volume:--

HISTORY III.--I had become good looking. For a time I knew what
it was to have loving looks from every woman I met, and being
saner and healthier I would seem to be moving in a divine
atmosphere of color and fragrance, pearly teeth and bright eyes.
Even the old women with daughters looked at me amiably--married
women with challenge and maidens with Paradise in their eyes.

"I was standing one morning at St. Peter's corner, with two young
friends, when a girl went by