he
Hightower mansion to repair a gas-leak in the drawing-room. When the
butler admitted him he said to Dugan:

"You are requested to be careful of the floors. They have just been
polished."

"They's no danger iv me slippin' on thim," replied Dugan. "I hov spikes
in me shoes."--_Lippincott's_.

CARPENTERS

While building a house, Senator Platt of Connecticut had occasion to
employ a carpenter. One of the applicants was a plain Connecticut
Yankee, without any frills.

"You thoroughly understand carpentry?" asked the senator.

"Yes, sir."

"You can make doors, windows, and blinds?"

"Oh, yes sir!"

"How would you make a Venetian blind?"

The man scratched his head and thought deeply for a few seconds. "I
should think, sir," he said finally, "about the best way would be to
punch him in the eye."

CARVING

To Our National Birds--the Eagle and the Turkey--(while the host is
carving):

May one give us peace in all our States,
And the other a piece for all our plates.

CASTE

In some parts of the South the darkies are still addicted to the old
style country dance in a big hall, with the fiddlers, banjoists, and
other musicians on a platform at one end.

At one such dance held not long ago in an Alabama town, when the
fiddlers had duly resined their bows and taken their places on the
platform, the floor manager rose.

"Git yo' partners fo' de nex' dance!" he yelled. "All you ladies an'
gennulmens dat wears shoes an' stockin's, take yo' places in de middle
of de room. All you ladies an' gennulmens dat wears shoes an' no
stockin's, take yo' places immejitly behim' dem. An' yo' barfooted
crowd, you jes' jig it roun' in de corners."--_Taylor Edwards_.

CATS

There was a young lady whose dream
Was to feed a black cat on whipt cream,
But the cat with a bound
Spilt the milk on the ground,
So she fed a whipt cat on black cream.

There once were two cats in Kilkenny,
And each cat thought that there was one cat too many,
And they scratched and they fit and they tore and they bit,
'Til instead of two cats--there weren't any.

CAUSE AND EFFECT

Archbishop Whately was one day asked if he rose early. He replied that
once he did, but he was so proud all the morning and so sleepy all the
afternoon that he determined never to do it again.

A man who has an office downtown called his wife by telephone the other
morning and during the convers