I have had Chiding enough, now speak to the Matter, of
something to bear my Charges.

_Cart._ I have nothing to give you, but I'll go and try what the Prior
will do.

_Sol._ If any Thing was to be given, your Hands would be ready to
receive it; but now there are a great many Difficulties in the Way, when
something is to be paid.

_Cart._ As to what others do, let them look to that, I have no Hands,
either to give or take Money: But we'll talk more of these Matters after
Dinner, for it is now Time to sit down at Table.

_PHILETYMUS and PSEUDOCHEUS._

The ARGUMENT.

_This Colloquy sets forth the Disposition and Nature of a
Liar, who seems to be born to lie for crafty Gain. A Liar
is a Thief. Gain got by Lying, is baser than that which
is got by a Tax upon Urine. An egregious Method of
deceiving is laid open. Cheating Tradesmen live better
than honest ones._

_PHILETYMUS and PSEUDOCHEUS._

_Phil._ From what Fountain does this Flood of Lies flow?

_Pseud._ From whence do Spiders Webs proceed?

_Phil._ Then it is not the _Product_ of Art, but of Nature.

_Pseud._ The Seeds indeed proceed from Nature; but Art and Use have
enlarg'd the Faculty.

_Phil._ Why, are you not asham'd of it?

_Pseud._ No more than a Cuckow is of her Singing.

_Phil._ But you can alter your Note upon every Occasion. The Tongue of
Man was given him to speak the Truth.

_Pseud._ Ay, to speak those Things that tend to his Profit: The Truth is
not to be spoken at all Times.

_Phil._ It is sometimes for a Man's Advantage to have pilfering Hands;
and the old Proverb is a Witness, that that is a Vice that is
Cousin-German to yours of Lying.

_Pseud._ Both these Vices are supported by good Authorities: One has
_Ulysses_, so much commended by _Homer_, and the other has _Mercury_,
that was a God, for its Example, if we believe the Poets.

_Phil._ Why then do People in common curse Liars, and hang Thieves?

_Pseud._ Not because they lie or steal, but because they do it
bunglingly or unnaturally, not rightly understanding the Art.

_Phil._ Is there any Author that teaches the Art of Lying?

_Pseud._ Your Rhetoricians have instructed in the best Part of the Art.

_Phil._ These indeed present us with the Art of well speaking.

_Pseud._ True: and the good Part of speaking well, is to lie cleverly.

_Phil._ What is clever Lying?

_Pseud._ Would you have me define it?

_Phil._ I would have you d