eaf; in short, it was a gorgeous advertisement of his
profession.

"Wisely taking example from the wisest nation of earth, they have sought
to liken their procession unto what they deem to be Chinese. Poor
savages, they make sad blunders; but our religion teaches us to be
charitable, and to pity rather than ridicule the benighted heathens, who
have not a pagoda in their land, save a miserable one in some gardens
they call Q. Yesterday they exhibited strange mockeries of our Chinese
forms; but still the good will was there, and we will not mock them in
return, but try to teach them better.

"There were shields with faces, as of moons and devils, and
dragon-banners, with bells, and other imitations of us; but the artistic
design and the classical execution were wanting, my LOLLUM. The Chief
Magistrate himself rode in a carriage formed like a gigantic tea-pot;
and before and behind him came standards, on which were emblazoned the
prices of his goods. Two huge idols, worshipped by the Fathers of the
City, with costly orgies, were borne along, with Chinese adornments; and
numerous other devices reminded me of the land where dwelleth the lovely
daughter of HANGO JOWDOB with the wart on his nose.

"They are all traders, these barbarians, and one of the ancestors of
this Magistrate, whose name is SID-NEE, was a great layer of bricks, as
I gather, for he is often spoken of, by public-house orators, as
'SID-NEE on the Scaffold.'

"LOLLUM of my Soul! Light breaking in at the Chink of my Heart! Violet
of my Nostrils! Pickled Duck of my Affections! Water-lily floating on
the waves of my Life! Whitest Egg in the Nest of my Brain! I worship
your image, and I kiss the rice-paper which enfolds the eyelash you gave
me at parting. When shall your eyes sparkle into mine, and set all the
fireworks of my soul fizzing, and banging, and sparkling? Eleven
millions of highly polished compliments to the respectable HANGO JOWDOB
with the wart on his nose.

"Signed in England, the day after the Feast of the LORD SID-NEE, Mare of
London.

"CHING-BANG-BUNG."

* * * * *

DIRECTIONS FOR SHAVING THE LADIES.--Use plenty of soft soap--use it
unsparingly to their faces--and it's wonderful how clean you'll shave
them.--_A Linendraper's Assistant from Howellanjames._

* * * * *

MISTAKEN BENEVOLENCE.--Throwing Early Purl to Swine.

* * * * *

[Illus