s a Christian autocrat, submitted to have our
dearly-beloved Ambassador, PRINCE MENSCHIKOFF, publicly bastinadoed in
the streets of Constantinople.

We have allowed OMAR PACHA to pull the nose of our dearly-beloved
General, PRINCE GORTSCHAKOFF.

We have--by a meekness and endurance unparalleled in the House of
ROMANOFF--begged, suffered, entreated, wept, rolled ourselves in the
dust, to appease and mollify the cannibal spirit of the Turk.

But all in vain. He is stiff-necked, and not to be turned. We,
therefore, propose to march with our sacred soldiers to Constantinople,
and there and then--(Grace having been duly said by the Patriarch of our
Holy Church)--to eat the accursed SULTAN ABDUL-MEDJID alive, and WITHOUT
SALT!

[_Here follows a pious invocation for a blessing on the Imperial
intention._]

* * * * *

CHEAP LIGHTNING-POSTAGE.

The formation of a New General Electric Telegraph Company is
contemplated by _Mr. Punch_.

To supersede and cut out all existing Electric Telegraph Companies will
be the object of the New General Electric Telegraph Company, of which
_Mr. Punch_ meditates the establishment.

Nothing can be clearer to the reflecting mind than that a shock of
electricity is, of itself, one of the cheapest commodities that can be
produced.

Nothing is more notorious than the fact that an electric shock, imparted
to the wire of an Electric Telegraph, is about as dear an article as any
in the market.

The extent of the circuit traversed by a shock of electricity does not
add to its cost. The messenger incurs no travelling expenses.

Yet nine shillings is the sum which "A Poor Man in Trouble," who wished
to inquire respecting a sick relative, complains to the _Times_ that he
was asked to pay for the simple message "Is he better?" with answer, to
be transmitted from a station 46 miles from town to the neighbourhood of
Belgrave Road, Pimlico.

If there is any one speculation peculiarly calculated to pay on the
principle of large sales at low prices, it is manifestly an Electric
Telegraph.

In preference, therefore, to any Austrian or Spanish loan, in which
enterprising parties may be disposed to risk their capital, _Mr. Punch_
invites them to join him with their two or three millions in his
proposed New Electric Telegraph Company; unless the present Companies,
awakened by the fear of competition with _Punch & Co._, should reduce
their prices immediately.