of a
Joe.

_The Judge._ That's slang, and though a Counsel ought to be slangy, a
Judge ought not.

_Mr. Crasher._ I am quite prepared to hear the independence of the Bar
assailed, and the freedom of speech, which every authority from
HELIOGABALUS down to BLACKSTONE declares the right of an advocate,
stigmatized as slang. But it will not prevent my doing my duty.

_The Judge._ Do your duty. Who stops you? Do your duty. Who's
HELIOGABALUS, and what's HELIOGABALUS to do with JOSEPH GUBBINS? This is
the way the time of the Court is wasted.

_Mr. Crasher._ As the Court concedes the point, and calls the prisoner
by his name, I shall not pursue the argument.

_The Judge._ You may do as you like.

_Mr. Crasher._ I know I may.

_The Judge._ I'm glad you know it.

_Mr. Crasher._ I'm glad you are pleased.

_The Judge._ Very well.

_Mr. Crasher._ Very well.

_The Judge._ JOSEPH GUBBINS, you have been very properly found guilty of
stealing a pot--I mean you will be in a moment--eh gentlemen? (_Jury
nod._) Of course. You have been found guilty of stealing a pot. Now
pot-stealing is a crime which is injurious to the public weal---

_Mr. Slasher._ And public-house.

_The Judge._ Ha! ha! very good. I laugh, you see, MR. CRASHER, to show
that I am undisturbed in my temper.

_Mr. Crasher._ I have no objection, Sir, to your laughing at my learned
friend, in fact I do so myself ten times a day.

_Mr. Slasher._ "All fools have still an itching to deride."

_Mr. Crasher._ If the Court stands that, of course I can.

_Mr. Slasher._ The Court is sitting.

_Mr. Crasher._ Is it?

_Mr. Slasher._ Of course it is.

_Mr. Crasher._ Ah!

_Mr. Slasher._ Ah too, if you come to that.

[_The Judge joins in the repartees, which are protracted so long that_
MR. GUBBINS _takes off his shoe, and swears that unless his sentence is
passed he will "shy it" (to use his objectionable expression) "at the
old un's nob." He is condemned to three months' imprisonment, and the
next case is called._]

* * * * *

THE PRICE OF A LORD MAYOR'S GOWN.

Every "family man" will appreciate the annoyance of being called on
frequently for "a new gown;" but the most expensive milliner's bill
would be a mere song--to a moderate tune--compared with the cost of a
"new gown" for the LORD MAYOR OF LONDON. In the evidence before the City
Corporation Commission we find it stated by MR. ACLAND, that

"