*

[Illustration: _Master Tom (to Old Lady who is very nervous about
fire)._ "IT'S ALL RIGHT, GRANMA! MY CANDLE IS OUT. I'M ONLY SMOKING MY
USUAL WEED!"]

* * * * *

PLAIN FARE AT THE PALACE.

The _Court Circular_ informed us the other day that "there was no
addition to the Royal dinner yesterday." We should not have had the
impertinence to speculate on the bill of fare at the Palace, had we not
been, as it were, invited to the subject by the Court Newsman, who tells
us that there was "no addition to the Royal dinner." We can only
compliment those who have the arrangement of the Palace provisions on
their frugality, which in these days of dear provisions is a virtue that
all housekeepers would do well to imitate.

If there was "no addition to the Royal dinner," it is clear that the
Royal Family must, on the day in question, have been eating cold--or at
most hashed--the "joint" of the day previous. We confess we do not like
the idea of the younger branches being deprived of any of those little
luxuries so dear to juvenile as well as to "other lips and other
hearts;" and, therefore, in the event of any future announcement of "no
addition to the Royal dinner," we should be glad to read the extra
intimation "_but_ there was a pudding in the nursery."

* * * * *

THE PRICE OF COALS ACCOUNTED FOR.

It is usual with small tradesmen to increase the weight of coals by
sprinkling cold water upon them; but in the City the reason why coals
come so heavy is owing to the _City dews_ falling upon them for twenty
miles round London. When these dews are collected, it is found that the
difference, which, of course, weighs upon the price, amounts, in the
course of the year, to many hundred thousands of pounds!

* * * * *

WHERE ARE THE RUSSIANS?

[Illustration: W]

What has become of the Russians, of whom 80,000 were said to have passed
the Pruth, while 24,000 is the greatest number that has been yet
accounted for. People are beginning to suspect that the Russian Army in
the Principalities is like the Russian Army at ASTLEY'S having a
considerable force behind some imaginary hills, and running round and
round by the back of the stage to give an appearance of numbers. We all
know that theatrical population progresses more rapidly than any other
kind of population; and if our census shows that we double ourselves in
fourteen years,