owded street
With whirring noise and throbbing beat,
Exhaling odours far from sweet?
The motor-car.

Whose wheels o'er greasy asphalte skim,
Exacting toll of life and limb,
(What is a corpse or so to _him_)?
The motorist's.

Who flies before the oily gust
Wafted his way through whirling dust,
And hopes the beastly thing will bust?
The pedestrian.

Who thinks that it is scarcely fair
To have to pay for road repair
While sudden death lies lurking there?
The ratepayer.

Who as the car goes whizzing past
At such law-breaking stands aghast,
(For forty miles an hour _is_ fast)?
The policeman.

Who hears the case with bland surprise,
And over human frailty sighs,
The while he reads between the lies?
The magistrate.

* * * * *

Illustration: FICKLE FORTUNE

"And only yesterday I was fined five pounds for driving at excessive
speed!"

* * * * *

Illustration: IN DORSETSHIRE

_Fair Cyclist._ "Is this the way to Wareham, please?"

_Native._ "Yes, miss, yew seem to me to ha' got 'em on all right!"

* * * * *

SO UNSELFISH!--"Oh yes, I gave my husband a motor-car on his birthday."

"But I thought he didn't like motor-cars!"

"He doesn't. But I _do_!"

* * * * *

_Q._ Why is the lady bikist of an amorous disposition?

_A._ Because she is a sigh-cling creature.

* * * * *

Illustration: CROWDED OUT.--_Stage-struck Coster_ (_to his
dark-coloured donkey_). "Othello, Othello, _your_ occupation 'll soon be
gone!"

* * * * *

HINTS FOR BIKING BEGINNERS

1. Insure your life and limbs. The former will benefit your relations,
the latter yourself.

2. Learn on a hired machine. The best plan is to borrow a machine from a
friend. It saves hiring. Should the tyre become punctured, the brake be
broken, the bell cracked, the lamp missing, and the gear out of gear,
you will return it as soon as possible, advising your friend to provide
himself with a stronger one next time.

3. Practise on some soft and smooth ground. For example, on a lawn; the
one next door for choice. A muddy road, although sufficiently soft, is
not recommended--the drawbacks are obvious.

4. Choose a secluded place for practising. It may at first s