peer smoothed a ruffled top-knot with ineffable grace.

"Likewise am determined _you_ shall take lessons. Now it is no use,
duky. I mean to be tender but firm with you."

The Potentate gave a stertorous chortle, and, stretching out his arms,
fell in a strawberry-leaf swoon on the parquet floor, his ducal head on
the lap of his adored Jane.

* * * * *

Illustration: THE FREEMASONRY OF THE WHEEL.--"Rippin' wevver fer hus
ciciklin' chaps, ain't it?"

* * * * *

Illustration: BROTHERS IN ADVERSITY

_Farmer._ "Pull up, you fool! The mare's bolting!"

_Motorist._ "So's the car!"

* * * * *

Illustration: QUITE RESPECTFUL

_Fair Cyclist._ "Is that the incumbent of this parish?"

_Parishioner._ "Well, 'e's the _Vicar_. But, wotever some of us thinks,
we never calls 'im a _hencumbrance_!"

* * * * *

Illustration:

_Gipsy Fortune-teller_ (_seriously_). "Let me warn you. Somebody's going
to cross your path."

_Motorist._ "Don't you think you'd better warn the other chap?"

* * * * *

THE SCORCHER

(_After William Watson_)

I do not, in the crowded street
Of cab and "'bus" and mire,
Nor in the country lane so sweet,
Hope to escape thy tyre.

One boon, oh, scorcher, I implore,
With one petition kneel,
At least abuse me not before
Thou break me on thy wheel.

* * * * *

Illustration: A motorist wishes to point out the very grave danger this
balloon-scorching may become, and suggests a speed limit be made before
things go too far.

* * * * *

THE MUGGLETON MOTOR-CAR; OR, THE WELLERS ON WHEELS

_A Pickwickian Fragment Up-to-date_

As light as fairies, if not altogether as brisk as bees, did the four
Pickwickian shades assemble on a winter morning in the year of grace,
1896. Christmas was nigh at hand, in all its _fin-de-siecle_ inwardness;
it was the season of pictorial too-previousness and artistic
anticipation, of plethoric periodicals, all shocker-sensationalism
sandwiched with startling advertisements; of cynical new-humour and
flamboyantly sentimental chromo-lithography.

But we are so taken up by the genial delights of the New Christmas that
we are keeping Mr. Pickwick and his phantom friends waiting in the cold
on the chilly outside of the Muggleton M