fellow had done the distance
In the tenth of a second less!
And henceforth my name in silence
Was dropt by the Cycling Press.

I have sought--but I seek it vainly--
With that record again to shine,
Midst crack names in our Cycling Organ,
But they never mention mine.
It may be some day at the Oval
I may cut that record again,
But at present the Cups are given
To better--_or_ luckier--men!

* * * * *

Illustration: THE MOTOR-BATH

_Nurse._ "Oh, baby, look at the diver!"

* * * * *

A SONG OF THE ROAD

Tinkle, twinkle, motor-car,
Just to tell us where you are,
While about the streets you fly
Like a comet in the sky.

When the blazing sun is "off,"
When the fog breeds wheeze and cough,
Round the corners as you scour
With your dozen miles an hour--

Then the traveller in the dark,
Growling some profane remark,
Would not know which way to go
While you're rushing to and fro.

On our fears, then, as you gloat
(Ours who neither "bike" nor "mote"),
Just to tell us where you are--
Tinkle, twinkle, motor-car.

* * * * *

"Motor Body."--"One man can change from a tonneau to a landaulette,
shooting brake, or racing car in two minutes, and, when fixed, cannot be
told from ANY fixed body."--_Advt. in the_ "_Autocar._"

The disguise would certainly deceive one's nearest relations, but as
likely as not one's dog would come up and give the whole show away by
licking the sparking plug.

* * * * *

Illustration: _Chauffeur._ "Pardon, monsieur. This way, conducts she
straight to Hele?"

_Major Chili Pepper_ (_a rabid anti-motorist and slightly deaf_).
"Certainly it will, sir if you continue to drive on the wrong side of
the road!"

* * * * *

Illustration: "FACILIS

_Bikist_ (_gaily_). "Here we go down! down! down! down!"

* * *

Illustration: DESCENSUS!"

_The same_ (_very much down_). "Never again with _you_, my bikey!"

* * * * *

Should Motors Carry Maxims?--Under the title "Murderous Magistrate," the
_Daily Mail_ printed some observations made by a barrister who reproves
Canon Greenwell for remarking from the Durham County Bench that if a few
motorists were shot no great harm would be done. The same paper
subsequently published an article