es I wore, I should never be able to leave by
daylight. I should still have his lamp. Can't take a second lamp. Would
look like inviting myself to dinner. So would the evening clothes at
breakfast. What is to be done?

* * * * *

Illustration: THE RETORT CURTEOUS.--_Motorist_ (_cheerfully--to
fellow-guest in house party_). "What luck? Killed anything?"

_Angler_ (_bitterly_). "No. Have you?"

* * * * *

Illustration: _Vicar's Daughter._ "Oh, Withers, your mistress tells me
you are saving up to take a little shop and look after your mother. I
think it is such a sweet idea!"

_Withers._ "Well, yes, miss, I did think of it; but now I've got the
money I've changed my mind, and I'm going to buy myself one of these
'ere bicycles instead!"

* * * * *

Illustration: A STORY WITHOUT WORDS

* * * * *

Illustration: THE INFERENCE.--_Giles_ (_who has been rendering "first
aid" to wrecked motor-cyclist_). "Naw, marm, I doan't think as 'e be a
married man, 'cos 'e says _this_ be the worst thing wot 'as ever
'appened to un!"

* * * * *

Illustration: SAVING THE SITUATION

_Effie_ (_to whom a motor-brougham is quite a novelty_). "Oh, mummy
dear, look! There's a footman and a big coachman on the box, and there
isn't a horse or even a pony! What _are_ they there for?"

_Mummy dear_ (_not well versed in electricity and motor-mechanism_).
"Well, you see, Effie dear--the--(_by a happy inspiration_) but, dear,
you're not old enough to understand."

* * * * *

The _Daily Mail_ has discovered that the "Motor-Cough" is "caused by the
minute particles of dust raised by motor-cars which lodge themselves in
the laryngeal passage." If people _will_ use their gullets as garages,
what can they expect?

* * * * *

Illustration: _Horsey Wag_ (_to Mr. and Mrs. Tourey, who are walking up
a hill_). "And do you always take your cycles with you when you go for a
walk?"

* * * * *

IN EAST DORSETSHIRE.--_Cyclist (to Native)._ How many miles am I from
Wimborne?

_Native._ I dunno.

_Cyclist._ Am I near Blandford?

_Native._ I dunno.

_Cyclist (angrily)._ Then what do you know?

_Native._ I dunno.

[_Cyclist speeds to No Man's Land in the New Forest._

* * *