hout stopping, whilst, frightened and flopping,
My elderly victims like ninepins are dropping,--
"So long!"

The elderly bobby, who's stuffy and cobby,
Ain't got arf a chance with a scorcher on wheels;
Old buffers may bellow, and young gals turn yellow,
But what do I care for their grunts or their squeals?
No, when they go squiffy I'm off in a jiffy,
The much-abused "scorcher" is still going strong.
And when mugs would meddle, I shout as I pedal--
"So long!"

Wot are these fine capers perposed by the papers?
These 'ints about lassos and butterfly nets?
To turn scorcher-catchers the old pewter-snatchers
In 'elmets must take fewer stodges and wets!
Wot, treat _hus_ like bufflers or beetles! The scufflers
In soft, silent shoes, turn Red Injins? You're wrong!
It's all bosh and bubble! I'm orf--at the double!--
"So long!"

* * * * *

Illustration: _Owner_ (_as the car insists upon backing into a dike_).
"Don't be alarmed! Keep cool! Try and keep cool!"

[_Friend thinks there is every probability of their keeping VERY cool,
whether they try to or not!_

* * * * *

Illustration: _Village Constable_ (_to villager who has been knocked
down by passing motor cyclist_). "You didn't see the number, but could
you swear to the man?"

_Villager._ "I did; but I don't think 'e 'eard me."

* * * * *

Illustration: THE JOYS OF MOTORING.--No, this is not a dreadful
accident. He is simply tightening a nut or something, and she is hoping
he won't be much longer.

* * * * *

SUGGESTED ADDITIONAL TAXATION

_L_ _s._ _d._

For every Motor Car 4 4 0
If with smell 5 5 0
Extra offensive ditto 6 6 0

Motor Car proceeding at over ten
miles an hour, for each additional
mile 1 1 0

For every Bicycle used for "scorching" 0 10 0

* * * * *

THE ORIGINAL CLASSICAL BICYCLIST.--"Ixion; or, the Man on the Wheel."

* * * * *

MY STEAM MOTOR-CAR

(1) Monday.--I buy a beautiful steam motor-car. Am photographed. (2)
Tuesday.--I take it out. Pull the wrong lever, and back into a shop
window. A bad start. (3)