rely by asking that the other give. There must also be one's
own offering in the fellowship. Nothing helps clear up one's own
motives, desires, and preferences so much as contact with others. We
find ourselves liking some people better than others. We learn to
understand ourselves through our own choices. This teaches us that
self-acquaintance which measurably helps in choosing the right mate. It
is particularly important that we see the effect that others have upon
us. What we ourselves possess we are most apt to draw out from others.
The kind of mate we need for happiness is one who stirs up the best in
us, and not merely the most entertaining or the most physically
stimulating of our acquaintances. Matrimony is not a short, hilarious
excursion, but a serious lifetime undertaking.

* * * * *

Another thing we want to learn before we choose our mate is the wearing
character of any courtship candidate.

_4. Does he, or she, wear well? If you are bored now, think of what you
may have to endure later._

Wearing qualities are not so easy to find out as some other things; but,
if we are alert, we can notice whether a friend who has attracted us
holds his own as we go about with him or there is a tendency on our part
toward a letting down of interest. Many of those who lose matrimonial
zest and merely have a tolerable relationship in marriage blunder at
this point. Usually they have not thought of the need of finding out
during courtship whether the friendship that started with promise keeps
its pace; they have been unconscious of the drift toward a less
meaningful relationship, or have assumed that that was an inevitable
result of being together constantly. It is true that the emotions do
somewhat settle themselves, but they do not become weaker because they
are more stable and less violent in expression. Much association with
the right sort of person in courtship should increase rather than
decrease the emotional ties that hold the two young people together.

_5. Will he, or she, grow with you--in mind and in character? If not,
your own growth will make you unhappy._

Another of the more difficult tasks that must be assumed in a wise
courtship program is discovering whether there are in the person one is
beginning to like incentives toward growth. There is one certain thing
in any marriage: it is impossible for those who enter such an alliance
to remain stationary; either they grow in c