ds, old and new, have a function in relieving the overclose concern
of one marriage partner with the other. If they are to play their full
part in preventing overconcentration, the friends must not be limited to
those who appeal equally to both the husband and the wife. Common
friends are fine, but for this purpose there is special need of friends
for either spouse who can call forth those sides of his or her nature
that are not aroused by the mate. A brilliant man may be bored by his
wife's slower-thinking women friends, but these may be just what she
needs as a relief from the high-pressure intellectual life she is
leading with him. A stylish woman may be appalled at the slouchy
appearance of some of her husband's cronies, who are a necessary balance
wheel for him in the strenuous gyrations he goes through to keep the
sartorial pace she sets.

The factor that underlies all the perplexities, and most of the
contentment, of marriage is its unique degree of concentrated intimacy.
Here the supreme testing always comes. Each means so much to the other,
each needs so much from the other, that there can be no halfway
satisfaction in being together. But there will come a first time when
John is too tired to go out with Mary, or vice versa. Do not think of it
as a blow; do not believe he or she is implying "I do not want to go out
with you because I am getting tired of you." You must realize that it is
important to have some privacy of time, if not of space. The wife may be
alone part of the day and profit by it. When John comes home at night,
he has not had that privilege. His need for privacy must be appreciated,
whether he wants to get it by staying at home alone in the evening, or
by going out without his wife, or by having his friends in when she is
not around.

_5. The general level of emotion is what counts, not the spectacular
scaling of peaks. Staking all on high moments is melodrama with no comic
relief._

Some husbands, some wives, are artists at achieving and momentarily
living up to romantic settings, but quickly flop down to the lower
levels of decent fairness between the high spots of their sentimental
flare-ups. Others cannot utter a poetic phrase, make a romantic gesture,
or let their eyes show the quick intensity of their tender emotions if
they must die for it. This difference is one of make-up and training,
not of marriage capacity.

The couple who are sure of each other's steady affection, regardless o