ly as any other couple at
first, if their loved is self-centered and ingrown, it will eventually
turn to hate, or wear thin and give way to indifference. This is what
they must guard against. While love is still the moving force of their
lives, they must study the problems that are due to come. To wait until
they are beset by them is to beg for trouble.

In order to cope with their problems they must realize, first, that they
cannot stumble upon married happiness; that they must possess and
cultivate a positive will to succeed. Then they must understand that the
will is in itself not enough; it must be coupled with a willingness to
work, and work hard, for the happiness that can be the greatest blessing
of their lives. And finally, they must know what constitutes a happy
marriage--what to aim for in their day-to-day association.

What makes a successful marriage? Here are nine guideposts to help John
and Mary along their road:

_1. The first requirement is the building of a union that is just to
both._

The smaller issues on which this rests are the lively clashes of
opposite desires, inevitable in the coming together of any two persons,
intensified when those two persons are as different as a man and a
woman, and unavoidable for two committed to a lifetime together in the
close quarters of marriage.

_2. Compromise will lift these essentially petty decisions of precedence
above the level of selfishness._

Decisions must be made on the basis of what is good for both, not the
selfish or narrow wish of either. The choice that brings the larger
advantage to the two persons in their common role of marriage partners
is the one to be made. Human judgment being as faulty as it is, time may
show that any one decision has been an error, but there can be no ill
will about it if each feels that an honest effort was made to be fair.

For example, Mary wants to buy a car, just as John is reckoning that the
time has come to build a house. Or perhaps he wants to invest money in
professional or business advancement at the precise moment when she
realizes she wants a child. In either situation, the particular couple
involved have to weigh delicately the effect on their joint enterprise
of the conflicting courses of action. Much as Mary may crave a child or
a car, she might not be able to enjoy either if she got it, unless John
were ready to share in her delight. Nor could he, overruling her against
her will, find in his choice o