critical spirit, and
therefore is apt to be thought of as an experience of pure delight. But
the first days of marriage bring out a different set of feelings--those
that come when one has definitely obtained possession of anything that
before was only promised. At first the emotions seem to stand
still--this is the long-coveted moment! Then one begins to appraise. Is
the object of one's wishes as desirable as one had expected?

Because reality rarely measures up to imagination, the first answer is
almost bound to be, "No, this is not what I expected." And the first
emotion tends to be disappointment. If one accepts the fact that
discrepancy between imagination and reality is inevitable, he is better
able to go on to a more thorough examination of the situation, from the
fresh viewpoint of finding out just what he has received, regardless of
hazy but optimistic expectations; and the object possessed will more
than likely turn out to be better than, although different from, what
the imagination pictured.

Knowing that a fleeting sense of disappointment is not peculiar to one's
own marriage, but likely to occur in all, as in every other human
undertaking, takes away its power to hurt. Unworried by any fear of
calamity, each marriage partner can turn to account his or her powers of
discernment by learning to recognize the assets as well as the
liabilities of the partnership.

Roughly, both the helps and the hindrances to married happiness can be
lumped under one word--personalities. Temperament, mannerisms,
tastes--all that is implied in the distinct individuality of each
person--make up the chief source of the advantages and disadvantages
with which the couple enter marriage. These traits cannot be changed
overnight. Nor is it necessary, or at all wise, that they should be.
John attracts Mary, and she appeals to him, because the personality of
each one is what it is. Love has grown up between the two as a result of
this personality attraction. And love is the motive that will make both
try to keep open the pathway to marriage success.

But love is not a finished product that, once it comes, can forever
after be trusted to keep its strength. Like everything else that is
alive, it must be kept growing through exercise, or it wastes away.

Love gives the push that keeps a marriage moving, but it does not give
the direction. That comes from understanding and cooperation. Although
John and Mary love each other as feverish