f home-owning or personal-career
investment the satisfaction he had expected. They two, and nobody else,
can make the decision to fit their marriage.

Readiness to try to imagine the partner's point of view has to be
supplemented by calmness in considering the probable effect of either
course on both persons. If each one is hurt at the other's inability to
join instantly in his, or her, plans, they will need to take pains not
to get sidetracked into making a personal contest of the affair. Trying
to win over your partner with a single eye to getting what you want,
regardless of its effect on the mate, is short-sighted in the extreme.
Even if you could care only for personal pleasure, that cannot long
outlast your spouse's displeasure.

Staging a contest or a succession of small contests, for the sake of
finding out who is boss builds up a habit of fighting that may lead to a
bitter end. It is useless to discover who can win in any particular
skirmish. What is important is to learn whether one of you is set on
being "head of the house." If your spouse craves that distinction, by
all means hand it over without delay. It is an empty honor, for the one
who bends but does not break will readily develop the fine art of
influencing the headstrong one.

Because it is part of the traditional feminine character to enjoy giving
in to the man, this tendency must be scrutinized when it appears. No man
can afford to be crippled for life by letting his wife swaddle him with
solicitude as some mothers spoil their children for their own
glorification. A woman's feeling that she will be emotionally gratified
by making a sacrifice does not prove that, aside from her momentary
pleasure, there is any value in it. The ease or difficulty with which
husband or wife makes an adjustment in no way measures the worth of that
adjustment for their partnership.

Because of women's recent growth in socially recognized independence,
any individual woman may waver between a craving for self-sacrifice and
a repugnance to the very thought of it. This changeableness can make her
feel resentful after she has given in to her husband. All this must be
taken into account in making decisions. Compromise, not submission,
should be the rule. If John forges ahead on one count, Mary must find
an acceptable outlet for herself on some other front.

_3. Respect for the other member of the marriage association is a
must-have. No demand should be laid upon the mate