me as much a lover of
the arms and breast; indeed, later I became more emotionally
enamored of these parts than of all the rest. At the beginning of
things I simply loved best what my mind could first get hold of.

"Quite early in my experience, when I was not more than 5, I
awoke earlier than usual, and saw my nurse standing in complete
nudity, commencing her toilet. She seemed to me a gross, coarse,
and meaningless object; the hair under her armpits displeased me,
and still more that on the lower part of her body. In the case of
men, directly I came to have cognizance of the same thing on
their bodies, the effect was exactly the opposite. It so happened
that about this time the gardener had received some injury to his
leg, and in showing the bruise to another exhibited before my
eyes a skin completely shagged over with dark hair. Though the
sight of the bruise repulsed me, my pleasure was intense, and the
vision of the gardener's legs was in my bed every night for a
week afterward. My point is that the sight of my nurse was liable
to rouse interest just as much as the far more prosaic display of
the gardener's wounded leg, but my nature made it impossible.

"It was about this time, if not before, that an enormous sense of
shyness with regard to all my private duties began to afflict me.
So great was it that I could endure from no hand except my
mother's or my nurse's the necessary assistance in the buttoning
and unbuttoning of my garments, always excepting those who were
about my own age, toward whom I felt no privacy whatever.

"When I was a little more than 5 I formed a friendship with a
young clerk, a youth of about 15, though he seemed to me a
grown-up person. One day, as he sat at his desk writing, I sat
down and began playing with his feet, investigating the height to
which his socks went under his trousers; in this way I obtained
six inches of bare leg. Conscious of my courage I fell to kissing
it. My friend laughed, but left me to my devotions in peace. This
was the first time in which a feeling of romance mixed itself in
my dreams; the physical excitement was less, but the pleasure was
greater. I cannot understand why I never repeated the experience.
He remained to me an object of very special and tender
consideration.

"In the next episode I have to relate th