nd more or less erection, that I
was _obliged_ to look upon this as inevitable, and in general I
paid no attention to it whatever. It was the older boys' who
sometimes attracted me strongly. My love for them was I know a
genuinely spiritual thing, though inevitably having some physical
expression. I was capable of great devotion to them and sacrifice
for them, and I would certainly rather have died than have
injured them. The boys got on well with me. I was never weak with
them, and I was able to allow all kinds of familiarities without
any loss of respect. The older boys usually, out of class, called
me by my Christian name, and I remember one writing to ask me
whether he might do so, as it made him feel 'nearer' to me. A few
of the lads I of course loved with special devotion. They kissed
me and loved to have me embrace them. One of these was, I now
know, pure uranian, and there was in his case certainly some
sexual response, but though I often slept with him, when he was a
lad of 17 and 18, there was never any idea in our minds of any
sexual act. We are still warm friends, and always kiss when we
meet. Looking back upon those days, I feel that I was a little
inclined to pass on from one love to another, but each was a
genuine devotion, and involved real hard work on the lad's
behalf. And I know that where the lad stuck to me into manhood a
real tenderness and love remain still.

"While teaching I made the acquaintance of a non-conformist
minister, who, though happily married, had certainly some
homogenic tendencies. He was most devoted to boys and helped me
with regard to some difficult cases. It was the difficult cases
that always attracted me. I had to punish these lads and my
friend recommended spanking with the hand on the bare buttocks. I
mention that I adopted this method, because it might have been
thought specially dangerous to me. It certainly never produced in
me the remotest suggestion of any sexual act, though it did
sometimes produce a slight amount of sexual excitement. I
disregarded this, or put it out of my mind, as I found the method
most efficacious. It was capable of great variation of intensity,
and the boys were always ready to joke about it. I never came
across a case where any sexual excitement was produced by it. The
boys whom I had to be most 'do