us of any difficulty due to my size.
The charm of bondage and compulsion was here, again, in the
ascendant. I fancy that it was in this connection that I first
anticipated whipping as the delightful climax to my emotions,
administered when my possessor, at the end of his day's work,
unclothed himself for rest.

"Up to this stage my attraction to the male organ of generation
had been slight and vague. Two things now contributed to bring
thought of it into prominence. On two or three occasions when I
accompanied farm laborers to their occupations I saw them pause
by the way to relieve nature. My extreme shyness as regards such
matters in my own person made this performance in my presence
like an outrage on my modesty; it had about it the suggestion of
an indecent solicitation to one whose inclination was to headlong
and delirious surrender. I stood rooted and flushing with
downcast eyes till the act was over and was conscious for a
considerable time of stammering speech and bewildered faculties.
When I afterward reviewed the circumstances they had the same
attraction for me that amorous cruelty was just then beginning to
exercise on my imagination. My mind secretly embraced the fearful
sweetness of the newly discovered sensation, surrounding the
performance of the function with all sorts of atrocious and
bizarre inventions. For a time my intellect hung back from
accepting this as the central and most fiery secret of the male
attraction; but shortly afterward, when out walking with my
father, I saw him perform the same act; I was overwhelmed with
emotion and could barely drag my feet from the spot or my eyes
from the damp herbage where he had deposited the waters of
secrecy. Even today, when my mind has been long accustomed to the
knowledge of generative facts, I cannot dissociate myself from
the shuddering charm that moment had for me. The attraction my
father's person had always had for me was now increased tenfold
by the performance I had witnessed (though I had not seen the
penis in any of these cases).

"For a considerable time only those lovers were dominant in my
imagination whom I had witnessed in the act that had so
poignantly affected me. My delight now took the form of imagining
myself strapped to the thighs of the person while this function
was in progress.