my father was
rather a morbid passion which absorbed my life. I dared not leave
his side for fear of a final separation from him. I would wake
him when asleep to see if he still lived. To this day, though he
died twenty-six years ago, his memory haunts me.

"My first abnormal desires were connected with him. I had seen
him occasionally micturating in the garden alleys or out in the
country. These occasions excited me terribly, and I would, if
possible, wait till he had gone, and touch the humid leaves,
drawing a terrible pleasure from the contact. Afterward, though
he never suspected it, desire for him became a consuming passion,
and I remember on one occasion, when on a holiday, I occupied the
same bed with him, the excitement of his propinquity brought on
such a formidable attack of heart palpitation that my father
called in the family physician on our return home. Needless to
say my heart was found quite sound. The desire still remains
after all these years, and nothing excites me more even now than
the memory of my father in his morning bath.

"The whole world for me in my early childhood was peopled with
imaginary beings. While still a young child I would invent
stories and relate them to any listener I could find, one such
story lasting three years. I was an omnivorous reader, but my
favorite reading was poetry. At 7 I could repeat the greater part
of Longfellow's poems; Scott followed; then Milton captivated me
when I was 14; then came Tennyson, Arnold, Swinburne, and Morris.
Later came the Greek and Latin poets. From 7 years on I wrote
verses to my father. Till 8 years I was excessively timid of the
dark and, indeed, of all loneliness. This passed, however, and
developed into an extreme sensitiveness of seeing or meeting
people. Even on a country road I would walk miles out of my way
to avoid meeting the ordinary yokel. At this period my day-dreams
were my favorite occupation. Even to the present day my visions
take up the greater part of my life. Though timid I was not
wanting in courage. At an early age I would fight boys even older
than myself. Later I have risked my life many times in various
parts of Europe. As regards sports, I can do a little of
everything: swimming, riding, fencing, shooting,--a little of
each. Cricket and football I also played passably, b