honestly say has been the dominant instinct
of my life. In my passion I have never been brutal, nor save
under the influence of wine have I had connection with men over
the age of puberty. In Southern Europe my experiences have been
the same, a predominant passion for a boy exhibiting itself in
every species of protecting care, and though terminating so far
as sexual passion was concerned when the boy reached 15 or 16
years, yet still lasting and enduring in an honest and unselfish
affection. At the age of 51, I still masturbate once or twice a
week, though I long for some person whom I love to share the
pleasure with me. I tried vainly at the age of 27 to bring
myself into line with others. Prostitutes caused me horror,
whether male or female. I attempted the act of coitus four or
five times, twice with women of loose lives and at other times
with married women. Save in one case the attempts were either
abortive or caused me extreme disgust.

"Practically from the time of puberty I have attracted sexually
not only women but men. Women, oddly enough, though I care
nothing for them sexually, either hate me or adore me, and I have
had five offers of marriage. At the same time up till five years
ago, I was pursued by men and have had the oddest experiences
both in England and abroad. In the early period of this history I
suffered tremendously from the feeling that I was isolated and
unique in the world. I strove against the habit of masturbation
and my perverted tastes with all my might. Scourges, vigils,
burnings, all were of no avail. Deeper reading in the Classics
showed me how common was the taste of sex for the same sex. At 27
I began to have a settled philosophy. Then as now, I made endless
resolutions to avoid masturbation, though I can see nothing wrong
in the mutual act of two persons drawn together by love. I am and
always have been an extremely religious man, and if I am not
altogether an orthodox Catholic, do my duties and have a high
sense of the supernatural. I suffered much from melancholy from
my earliest years. At 18, though nothing definitely was wrong, a
vague but profound _malaise_ induced me to open the veins of my
arm. I fainted, however, and was promptly succored. At the age of
35, after a return from abroad, I took an enormous dose of
poison. This time