and I bet that it won't."

BIBLE INTERPRETATION

"Miss Jane, did Moses have the same after-dinner complaint my papa's
got?" asked Percy of his governess.

"Gracious me, Percy! Whatever do you mean, my dear?"

"Well, it says here that the Lord gave Moses two tablets."

"Mr. Preacher," said a white man to a colored minister who was
addressing his congregation, "you are talking about Cain, and you say he
got married in the land of Nod, after he killed Abel. But the Bible
mentions only Adam and Eve as being on earth at that time. Who, then,
did Cain marry?"

The colored preacher snorted with unfeigned contempt. "Huh!" he said,
"you hear dat, brederen an' sisters? You hear dat fool question I am
axed? Cain, he went to de land o' Nod just as de Good Book tells us, an'
in de land o' Nod Cain gits so lazy an' so shif'less dat he up an'
marries a gal o' one o' dem no' count pore white trash families dat de
inspired apostle didn't consider fittin' to mention in de Holy Word."

BIGAMY

There once was an old man of Lyme.
Who married three wives at a time:
When asked, "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd!
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."

BILLS

The proverb, "Where there's a will there's a way" is now revised to
"When there's a bill we're away."

YOUNG DOCTOR--"Why do you always ask your patients what they have for
dinner?"

OLD DOCTOR--"It's a most important question, for according to their
menus I make out my bills."

Farmer Gray kept summer boarders. One of these, a schoolteacher, hired
him to drive her to the various points of interest around the country.
He pointed out this one and that, at the same time giving such items of
information as he possessed.

The school-teacher, pursing her lips, remarked, "It will not be
necessary for you to talk."

When her bill was presented, there was a five-dollar charge marked
"Extra."

"What is this?" she asked, pointing to the item.

"That," replied the farmer, "is for sass. I don't often take it, but
when I do I charge for it."--_E. Egbert_.

PATIENT (_angrily_)--"The size of your bill makes my blood boil."

DOCTOR--"Then that will be $20 more for sterilizing your system."

At the bedside of a patient who was a noted humorist, five doctors were
in consultation as to the best means of producing a perspiration.

The sick man overheard the discussion, and, after listening for a few
moments, he turned his head towa