" Hermes is _tur-mees_, "the messenger of the wind."
Hercules is _er cu lais_, "the illustrious hero of light;" but he seems to
be sadly at sea for a derivation for Neptune, whom he is obliged to turn
into a Tyrrhenian catamaran or Irish currow, _Naebh tonn_ "the ship of the
sea." Jupiter (not being an Etruscan, he is not here allowed the _pas_)
_iudh bit er_, "day being great," (which is a very dark saying.) Bacchus,
_bac aois_, "the sustainer of time." Mercury, _meer cu re_, "the swift
champion of the moon"--really this is mere lunacy. Any one might, with
equal plausibility, derive the whole Pantheon from the English, as Apollo,
"aye follow," because day always follows night, and Apollo always followed
pretty girls, Daphne in particular; Mercury, "mirk hurry," because Mercury
hurried the ghosts down through the mirk or murky darkness to the Styx.
Hercules, "he reckless," because Hercules was a great daredevil. Venus,
"vain is," because a pretty woman is too often vain of her good looks.
Juno, "do now," because people were in the habit of making their requests
to her, or, perhaps, because Jupiter used to say so when he wished her to
give him a kiss. Jupiter, "stupider," because it was natural that Juno
should say he was the stupider of the two when they happened to differ;
or, _pace viri tanti_, "you pitier," when poor mortals raised their
sorrowful supplications to him.

Scrieck's foundation for all his extravagant topographical derivations was
the passage from Plato. Doctor Johnson seems to have been the Plato of
these new etymological rambles; but we apprehend that neither the Greek
nor the British philosopher would be much edified by the philological
excursions of the Irish disciple. Nothing can be more perfect in its way
than the dogmatic audacity with which he assigns his derivations; it is in
the true vein of Bickerstaff, and a model to quacks of all classes.

"Before we commence our examination into the geographical divisions
of Italy, it is necessary to say something of that portion of the
world with which the Phoenicians became for the first time
acquainted after their settlements in Syria, since called _Europe_,
by an accident as trivial and unlikely to happen as that by which the
new world in modern times was denominated _America_, that is, by a
blunder of the Greeks. The fable of the rape of Europa, &c., was a
mere national allegory, of which the following is the subs