h was undeniably below his usual par.

This rendered them of an increased ferocity, until Mr ALLBUTT-INNETT
good naturedly took them into a corner and whispered that I was a very
wealthy young Indian Prince, of great scholastic attainments, but
oppressed by an uncontrollable _naivete_, after which they all came and
shook me by the hand, saying they were very proud to have met me.

[Illustration: "IT WAS HERE," I SAID, REVERENTLY, "THAT THE SWAN OF AVON
WAS HATCHED!"]

Afterwards we proceeded to the Birthplace, where a very gentlewomanly
female exhibited the apartment in which the Infant Bard first saw the
light. Alack! there was but little light to behold, being a shockingly
low and dingy room, meagrely furnished with two chairs and a table, on
which was another of the busts. As I came in, I uttered a remark which I
had prepared for the occasion. "It was here," I said, reverently, "here
that the Swan of Avon was hatched!" At which Miss WEE-WEE was again
overcome by emotion.

The room was greatly in the necessity of whitewash, being black with
smoke and signatures in lead pencil. Even the window-panes were
scratched all over by diamonds, on seeing which, and being also the
possessor of a diamond and gold ring, I was about to inscribe my own
name, but was prevented by the lady custodian.

I indignantly and eloquently protested that if Hon'ble Sirs, WALTER
SCOTT, Lord BYRON, ISAAC WALTON, WASHINGTON IRVING and Co. were
permitted to deface the glass thus, surely I, who was a graduate of
Calcutta University, and a valuable contributor to London _Punch_, was
equally entitled, since what was sauce for a goose was sauce for a
gander, and Mrs ALLBUTT-INNETT urged that I was a distinguished
Shakspearian student and Indian prince, but the custodian responded that
she couldn't help that, for it was _ultra vires_, nevertheless.

However, while she was engaged in pointing out the spot where somebody's
signature had been before it was peeled away, I, snatching the
opportunity behind her back, did triumphantly inscribe my autograph on
the bust's nose.

In the back-room they showed us where SHAKSPEARE'S father stapled his
wool, which caused Mrs ALLBUTT-INNETT to remark that she had always
understood that the poet was of quite humble origin, and that, for her
part, she thought it was all the more creditable to him to have done
what he did do.

We also inspected the Museum, and were shown SHAKSPEARE'S jug, a rather
ordinary conc