lethal weapon, but, having
since this invitation practised diligently upon tin moving beasts,
bottles, and eggs rendered incredibly lively by a jet of steam, I am at
last an _au fait_ with a crackshot, and no end of a Nimrod.

I do not think I shall purchase a gun, for there is a young English
acquaintance of mine who is the Devil's Own Volunteer, and who will
no doubt have the good nature to lend me his rifle for a week or two.

As to costume, my tailor assures me that it is totally unnecessary to
assume the national raiment of a Scotch, unless I am prepared to stalk
after a stag. But why should I be deterred by any cowardly fear from
pursuing so constitutionally timid a quadruped? I have therefore
commissioned him to manufacture me a petticoat kilt, with a chequered
tartan, and other accessories, for when we are going to Rome, it is the
mark of politeness to dress in the Romish style.

[Illustration: "WOULD BE GREATLY IMPROVED BY THE SIMPLE ADDITION OF SOME
KNEE-CAPS."]

The Caledonian costume is indubitably becoming; but would, I venture
humbly to think, be greatly improved by the simple addition of some
knee-caps.

XXIII

_Mr Jabberjee delivers his Statement of Defence, and makes his
preparations for the North. He allows his patriotic sentiments to
get the better of him in a momentary outburst of disloyalty--to
which no serious importance need be attached._

My fair plaintiff has not suffered the grass of inaction to grow upon
her feet, having already issued her Statement of Claim, by which she
alleges that I proposed marriage on a certain date, and did
subsequently, on divers occasions, treat her, in the presence of sundry
witnesses, as an affianced, after which I mizzled into obscurity, and on
various pretexts did decline, and do still decline, to fulfil my nuptial
contract, by which conduct the plaintiff, being grievously afflicted in
mind, body, and estate, claims damages to the doleful tune of L1000.

(N.B.--I have thought it advisable here and there to translate the legal
phraseology into more comprehensible verbiage.)

Now such a claim is to milk a ram, or _prendre la lune avec les dents_,
seeing that I am not a proprietor of even one thousand rupees.
Nevertheless (as I have informed Mr SMARTLE), my progenitor, the
Mooktear, will bleed to any reasonable extent of costs out of pocket.

I have held frequent and lengthy interviews with the said SMARTLE, Esq.,
who is of incredible