worthless riddance of bad rubbish, all would have been well; but most
unhappily he did exceed his instructions, and added that I was of
respectable, well-to-do parentage, and very industrious young chap with
first-class abilities, and likely to obtain lucrative practice at native
Bar.

JESSIMINA wrote that she hoped she was not so mercenary as to be
attracted by mere rank, and that it was enough for her that I was in the
position to maintain her as a lady, so she would continue to hold me to
my promise of marriage, and if I still declined to perform, she would be
reluctantly compelled to place the matter in hands of lawyer.

On seeing that my second attempt to spoof was similarly the utter
failure, I became like pig in poke with perplexity, until I was suddenly
inspired by the ebullient flash of a happy idea, and taking up my
_penna_, inscribed the following epistle:

MAGNANIMOUS AND EVER ADORABLE JESSIMINA!

I am immensely tickled with flattered complacency at your indomitable
desire to become the bride of such a man of straw as this undeserving
self, and will no longer offer any factious opposition to your wishes.

But in the intoxicating ardour of my billing and cooing I may have
omitted to mention that, when I have led you to the Hymeneal altar, you
will not be alone in your glory. As a Koolin Brahmin, I am, by laws of
my country, entitled to about thirty or forty spouses, though, owing to
natural timidity and economical reasons, I have not hitherto availed
myself of said privilege.

However, when that I was a little tiny boy, I was compelled by family
pressure to contract matrimony with an equally juvenile female of eight,
and, though circumstances have prevented the second ceremony being
celebrated on arriving at the more mature age of discretion, such infant
marriage is notwithstanding the binding affair.

What of it? Your overwhelming affection will render you totally
indifferent to the unpleasant side of your position as a _sateen_ or
rival wife, though it is the antipode of the bed of roses, especially
under internecine feuds and perpetual snipsnaps with sundry aunts and
sisters-in-law of mine of rather nagging idiosyncracies. But ignorance
of language will probably blind your sensitive ears to the sneering and
ill-natured tone of their remarks.

I can only say that I am quite ready (if you insist upon it) to fulfil
my contract to best ability, and undertake the heavy burden which
Providence ha