uncovered the pretty kettle of fish of my _infandum dolorem_, and my
ardent longing to hit upon some plan to extricate myself from the
suffocating coils of such a Laocoon.

"My dear old chap," he said kindly, after I had unfolded the last link
of my tale of woe, "I will put you up in a dodge that will perform the
trick. Don't see the young woman, or she will get round you with half a
jiffy. Write to her that you are not worthy of a rap, and no more a
Prince than I am!"

Hearing his last words, I started, and did, like the ghost of _Hamlet_,
Senior, "jump at this dead hour," being convinced that young HOWARD had
found out (perhaps from Hon'ble CUMMERBUND) that my title was a bogus,
and anticipating that, if he divulged the skeleton of my bare cupboard
to his highly genteel parents, I should infallibly experience the
crushing mortification of a chuck out.

However, I hid the fox that was nibbling my vitals by inquiring, in a
rather natural accent, what he meant by such a suggestion.

"Are you such an innocent, simple old Johnny, Prince," he said, with
reassuring _bonhomie_, "as not to catch the idea? Do you not know that
European feminines in all ranks of society--alack, even in our own!--are
immoderately attracted by anyone possessed of riches and a title--or of
either of the two? As an _au fait_ in the female temperament, I shall
wager that it is nine out of ten that if you spoof this mercenary young
minx into believing that you are merely a native impecunious nonentity,
and not to be shot at with powder, she will instantaneously drop
pursuing such a hot potato."

To this speech (reported _verbatim_ to best of my ability) I did shake
my head sorrowfully, and reply that I greatly feared that JESSIMINA'S
devotion to this unlucky self was too severe to be diverted, or even
checked, like a cow that is infuriated or _non compos mentis_, by the
mere relinquishment of such tinsel and gewgaw wraps as a title or
worldly belongings, having frequently (and that, too, _prior_ to our
engagement) protested her preference for very dark-complexioned
individuals, and her vehement curiosity to behold India.

[Illustration: "ASCENDED HIS BICYCLE WITH A WAGGISH WINKLE IN HIS EYE."]

But he, as he ascended his bicycle with a waggish winkle in his eye,
repeated that I might try it on at all events.

Still, I could not induce myself to adopt his spoofish strategy, for I
reflected that, though it might convince her that I was unmarriag