"Well, the two old fellows got to work, but neither seemed able to
master the intricacies of the deal in fish, and they were unable to get
any answer.

"At last old Bill turned to the captain and asked him to repeat the
problem. The captain started off: 'If a fishing crew caught 500 pounds
of cod and--.'

"'Wait a moment,' said Bill, 'is it codfish they caught?'

"'Yep,' said the captain.

"'Darn it all,' said Bill. 'No wonder I couldn't get an answer. Here
I've been figuring on salmon all the time.'"

ARMIES

A new volunteer at a national guard encampment who had not quite learned
his business, was on sentry duty, one night, when a friend brought a pie
from the canteen.

As he sat on the grass eating pie, the major sauntered up in undress
uniform. The sentry, not recognizing him, did not salute, and the major
stopped and said:

"What's that you have there?"

"Pie," said the sentry, good-naturedly. "Apple pie. Have a bite?"

The major frowned.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," said the sentry, "unless you're the major's groom."

The major shook his head.

"Guess again," he growled.

"The barber from the village?"

"No."

"Maybe"--here the sentry laughed--"maybe you're the major himself?"

"That's right. I am the major," was the stern reply.

The sentry scrambled to his feet.

"Good gracious!" he exclaimed. "Hold the pie, will you, while I present
arms!"

The battle was going against him. The commander-in-chief, himself ruler
of the South American republic, sent an aide to the rear, ordering
General Blanco to bring up his regiment at once. Ten minutes passed; but
it didn't come. Twenty, thirty, and an hour--still no regiment. The aide
came tearing back hatless, breathless.

"My regiment! My regiment! Where is it? Where is it?" shrieked the
commander.

"General," answered the excited aide, "Blanco started it all right, but
there are a couple of drunken Americans down the road and they won't let
it go by."

An army officer decided to see for himself how his sentries were doing
their duty. He was somewhat surprised at overhearing the following:

"Halt! Who goes there?"

"Friend--with a bottle."

"Pass, friend. Halt, bottle."

"A war is a fearful thing," said Mr. Dolan.

"It is," replied Mr. Rafferty. "When you see the fierceness of members
of the army toward one another, the fate of a common enemy must be
horrible."

_See also_ Military Discipline.