turneth away wrath, and an invitation to take a glass of
wine will frequently restore warmth between two friends where only
coldness existed before.

No matter how plain your cook may be, so long as your dinner is
well-dressed.

A few compliments go a great way. A little savoury _pate_ is quite
enough. Try too many, and you'll find they'll prove heavy.

When the ladies retire from the dinner-table, it is not usual for you
(supposing you to be a gentleman) to retire with them. In this instance,
the same law extends to the mistress as to the servants:--"No Followers
Allowed."

A gratuity well bestowed frequently has a happy effect. The servant that
is fee'd well takes care that his master does the same.

In the hands of an inferior _artiste_, whether an omelette turns out
good or bad, is quite a matter of toss up. It is the same with a
pancake.

Keep ill-natured people from your table, as you would sour fruit. They
are sure to disagree with every one. Avoid crab-apples, lest the apple
of discord should turn up amongst them.

* * * * *

ODE TO A DINNER-GONG

"The tocsin of the soul--the dinner-bell."
So said, admiringly, the late Lord Byron,
But he had never heard _your_ noisy knell,
O blatant bellowing thing of brass or iron,
Or surely he had metrically cursed
Your nerve-distracting Corybantic clangour.

Would his fine indignation could have versed
My utter hate, my agonising anger.
Alas! is gusto then so great a sin,
Is feeding man so terrible a sinner
That such a worse than _Duncan_-raising din
Must summon him to--dinner?

* * * * *

[Illustration: DOWN A PEG.--_Mr. Gifted Hopkins (minor poet, essayist,
critic, golfer, fin-de-siecle idol, &c.)._ "Oh, Mrs. Smart--a--I've been
thinking, for the last twenty minutes, of something to say to you!"
_Mrs. Smart (cheerfully)._ "Please go on thinking, Mr. Hopkins,--and
I'll go on talking to Professor Brayne in the meantime."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: PAST AND PRESENT.--_Serious and much-married man._ "My
dear friend, I _was_ astonished to hear of _your_ dining at Madame
Troisetoiles!--a 'woman with a past' you know!"

_The Friend_ (_bachelor "unattached"_). "Well, you see, old man, she got
a first-rate _chef_, so it isn't her 'past,' but her 're-past' that _I_
care about."]

* * * * *

[Illustr