is obsta_,
Think of this when eating lobster.

While grass grows the horse may starve:
Think of this when asked to carve.

Shake the tree when fruit is ripe:
Think of this when eating tripe.

Fools build houses, wise men buy:
Think of this when eating pie.

Pause, ere leaping in the dark:
Think of this when eating lark.

Punctual pay gets willing loan:
Think of _this_ when drinking Beaune.

Wisdom asks fruits, but Folly flowers:
Think o' _this_ when eating cauliflowers.

Birds of a feather flock together:
Think of this when the idiot of a
cook has boiled the oysters in the sauce,
and made them as tough as leather.

[Illustration]

* * * * *

[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID

_Hostess._ "What fun you seem to be having over there, Captain Smiley! I
wish you all sat at this end of the table!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Waiter_ (_who has "seen better days"--absently, as he
pours out the champagne_). "Say when!"]

* * * * *

SPRING-CLEANING.

"In Spring when woods are getting green,"
My wife begins the house to clean,
And I am driven from this scene,
Of scrub-land.

The mops and pails left on the stairs
I come across, quite unawares,
And break my shins and utter--prayers,
For tub-land.

In clouds of dust I choke and cough,
Such draughts! My hat I dare not doff,
I'd go (if I were not a toff)
To pub-land.

But--mum--I won't kick up a shine
Nor of delight give any sign,
But, quietly, I'm off to dine
In Club-land.

* * * * *

A SOAKER'S PARADISE.--Dropmore.

* * * * *

A MONSTER MEETING.--A giant and a dwarf.

* * * * *

POETICAL LICENCE.--A music-hall's.

* * * * *

TURF REFORM.--Mowing the lawn.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Quiet Man_ (_as a particularly "steep" story of
adventure comes to a close_). "Er--will somebody pass the _salt_,
please?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Adolphus_ (_grandly; he is giving his future
brother-in-law a little dinner down the river_). "Waitar--you
can--ah--leave us!"